Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Special Custom Costco Cart...

Dear Costco,

In addition to the drive thru that you will install for me, your #1 Customer, I have another request.

I would like to request a special custom cart saved just for me and a select group of my friends who make the list. (Am currently compiling the list and will deliver it to you upon completion of my request).

My Special Custom Costco Cart must include:

1. A plexiglass divider between the two seats in the front of the cart. It must be at least 4 feet tall so a certain 3 yr old cannot reach over to pummel his 1 yr old sister.

2. A plexiglass kick plate on the front under the shopping cart handle that extends down a good 3 feet or so to protect my legs and stomach from being kicked by aforementioned 3 yr old.

3. Why don't we just go and enclose the entire child-holding part of the cart while we're at it. Please let it be completely soundproof as to mute the sounds that comes out of my 1 yr old when she opens her mouth. (Lil Chick screamed so loud today in Costco that the elderly woman in front of me jumped clear out of her orthopedic shoes. Then she glared at me. Right before Bubbalu threw my Costco coupon book at her. Lovely. Mother of the year.)

4. I NEED a cup holder. And maybe you could make it keep my hot mochas hot and the frozen ones cold. Why don't you just put two or three of those hot/cold cup holders on there while we're at it so I can sip one while I shop and keep one or two more the appropriate temperature so when I arrive at my Sister's house they will be the perfect temperature for an hour long impromptu chat/playtime.

5. I could use a small mirror so I can fix my hair that gets hopelessly disheveled when I walk through the wind tunnel at the entrance to the store.

6. A receipt holder clip on the side of the plexiglass child enclosement so that the receipt isn't in a sweaty crumpled mess in my fist by the time I get to the sharpie wielding checkers at the exit.

7. A map of the store complete with current location of the Starbucks Frapps and Tostito's queso cheese. Yes, I could NOT find the queso cheese today. Very disturbing.

8. A priority checkout pass. Ya know, because I'm your #1 Customer and all.

Except for your Kirkland Signature Macaroni and Cheese. You missed the mark on that one.

Please let me know when my cart will be ready. I'll be waiting.

Yours truly,


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  1. Don't you hate it when you try something new from Costco, discover it's nasty, & then realize you have 23 more boxes of disgusting knock-off Mac n Cheese that you just can't get rid of because you're too cheap to just throw it out?

  2. Awesome :)

    (My sister said that if you splash a little cream in the KS Mac and Cheese, it tastes pretty good. Figures!)

  3. If you can believe it, our costco doesn't have iced mochas anymore. I can hardly bring myself to shop there anymore. Tho costco experience is severely tarnished without that cup of goodness in my hand!

  4. He, he, thank you for the good laughs!! I can relate to all of your post. I think our 3 year olds are quite similar:) and for the elderly woman, she was once a child herself and was once naughty too:) I totally need the shield for protecting my stomach and legs too! Miss M loves to push off of me as we shop, which is terribly annoying

  5. your posts just make me laugh, with two kids also. walmart (we don't have a costco =( ) is always a challenge, i'm glad (and sad) that someone shares my pain! =)

  6. Ha ha ha ha....had a good laugh over this one...I love it - a custom Costco cart! Oh, and I totally agree about putting in a least for the deli. :)


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