Friday, November 5, 2010

The Cough Drop Diet...Guaranteed RESULTS!

This shockingly effective diet is guaranteed to curb those pesky unhealthy cravings and results in a dramatic short term weight loss.

Step 1:

Go to your local grocery store and lick as many grocery store cart handles that you can find. BONUS if you find someone coughing or sneezing, lick them too.

Step 2:

Restrict your intake of water to less than one glass per day, get no more than 4 hours of sleep a night and do not take any vitamins or supplements. This will produce a perfect environment for a virus to grow and multiple. Awesome.

Step 3:

Virus will have made enough little invaders that by two days post shopping cart handle licking you will have come down with a hacking cough, the inability to swallow without cringing and your sinuses (Sinusi?) so congested you want to slap yourself for licking those shopping cart handles in the first step.

Step 4:

In order to deal with aforementioned hacking cough and swallowing difficulty, suck on copious amounts of blue menthol cough drops until your tongue is permanently stained smurf blue.

Step 5:

Congratulations! You have reached peak effectiveness for the Cough Drop Diet Program! Now, while sucking on a blue menthol cough drop, try to imagine eating your favorite, most unhealthy foods.

Blue cough drop + Queso and tortilla chips = Yucky!

Blue cough drop + chocolate lava cake = Gag!

Blue cough drop + mashed potatoes and gravy = Blech!

Blue cough drop + ice cream = Barf!

Isn't that AMAZING? See how it works? As long as you are sucking on blue menthol cough drops you WILL lose those cravings for all your favorite foods resulting in dramatic short term weight loss.

Enjoy those blue menthol cough drops!


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  1. :( So sorry for you to be on that diet! Yes, it would work...and yes, I need to diet...but I think I'll try another method. ;-)

  2. I am right with ya today...except I did not lick the carts just had a boss that decided to share with me :) Feel better!!

  3. Mwahahahahaha. That had me busting up laughing! Hope you feel better soon.

  4. I'll stick with my extra weight for now....I guess I could just suck on cough drops all the time and then I wouldn't want to eat all those things. hmmmmmm You may be on to something.

  5. This is too funny. I hope you feel better soon. I love your blog!

  6. I am CRACKING UP at this because here i am, sucking on menthol cough drops for days, and i realized that its the menthol that is making me not crave or want to eat anything. I started thinking, this could be a ridiculous new diet fad. As I'm thinking this, I'm typing in the search bar "cough drop diet" and this blog came up LOL.... Of course someone has already thought of this!! Brilliant.


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