Wednesday, April 20, 2011

New Mothers: Stuff you REALLY need on your Registry

It always makes me laugh to see the ‘suggested’ necessary items and products that baby stores tell new mothers that they need to be an awesome, properly correct and latest-article-in-a-mother/parent-magazine-following Mama to their new bundle of joy.

Ya know, let me give you some advice. Some real Mom, in the trenches, advice.

Register for stuff you REALLY need to survive the icky parts (potty training, the flu, motion sickness, stomach bug, teething diapers, acid poo blowouts just to name a few) of having a child:

1. A hand held shower head thingymajig. Something like this:

Seriously, save the money you were going to spend on: (…fill-in-the-blank…) that stores want you to believe you need…and get a hand held shower device. Believe me. Trust me. You will unfortunately get far more use out of it rinsing the poo, pee and puke out of clothes than you can even imagine. Seriously, trust me.

2a. Lots of buckets. For use in conjunction with #1. Also used for holding large quantities of bleach water for washing vomit off the floor. (This is a rough walked off estimate, but the puking episode that occurred in our house last night created a 10 x 11 foot rectangle of splattery yuckyness. This doesn’t include the walls and baseboards.) You COULD purchase a bunch of brand new cute buckets, but I prefer to use Dutchware: Gallon Ice Cream containers. They are AWESOME.


2b. You could use bright blue plastic surgical rinse basins like I use.

Kinda weird? Yup, but that’s what happens when your Mom is an O.R. Nurse. Unusable medical disposable products are the way to go. I keep two at all times in my stall shower for emergency soiled clothes soaking purposes. Pour in some of bleach, fill with hot water from your handy dandy hand held shower head and soak those clothes.

3. Bleach. Lots of bleach. It’s cheap and effective.

I’d rather smell some bleach in my house than the other stuff I’m talking about. Of course, open the windows so you don’t get lightheaded and fall smack in the middle of the splattery yuckyness.

4. Stain pre-treaters, preferably in a spray bottle:

That way you can keep your hands FAR away from the goo on the clothes. I buy it in bulk. Clothes with any sort of food (or other substance) on it gets a good dousing. IT WORKS FOR ME. Which is why Lil Chick can own and wear an off-white jacket that has survived an entire winter stain free. You can send notes of congratulation on my off-white stain free jacket success to my email.

5. A box of disposable gloves. For when you can't avoid touching the yuckyness. Trust me. WELL WORTH paying for these to deal with all of the above:

(Is it just me or does this picture look like a game of guess the wall shadow animal?)

You don’t want those yellow non-disposable gloves that you have to wash out and reuse. You WILL remember what those gloves touched and it WILL make you gag. Besides, I always got water up the loose sleeves and then had pooled icky water on my fingertips. Yech. I buy disposable gloves tight enough so water can’t get in.

6. Old t-shirts. Excellent floor/wall/child scrubbers. You can use em and toss em.

7. Air Neutralizer Spray/Febreeze/Air Freshener. Unless you think the smell of acid poo is a lovely odor to be inhaling all day long.

8. Coffee. Directions: Administer liberally and frequently:

This is just a short, off the top of my head, list. Have something to add? Shout it out in the comments!

Let’s talk Awesome Mama skillz, shall we? In my kid clothing tote bins I still have nearly full sets of (almost!) white onesies in every size*. That’s what I call awesome. (Not that I’m proud of it or anything...Totally lying. I’m ridiculously giddy about it.) That’s my life now, feeling extremely proud of clean onesies and the ability to clean up poo and vomit efficiently and effectively.



*(Disclaimer: There HAVE been times that I’ve tossed clothing that is soiled beyond recognition. Cause sometimes you are just plain sick and tired of scrubbing poo. Just keeping it real folks.)*

Vintage Dutch Girl is on Facebook. See new blog posts in your news feed!


  1. Haha yes! Not such a cute baby shower basket anymore though is it! I'd add a mattress protector for your OWN bed, you know they'll end up in there, especially when they're not well, and once that yukkiness seeps in, blaaah!

  2. When I was pregnant with my twins, I had to get magnesium in order to stop early labor. It made me pretty sick. And they gave me these nice blue things to puke in: had a round cardboard opening and then a long slender blue bag attached to it. I liked them because there was no splatter effect.

    So I stole as many as I could every time I was in the hospital. Eventually, I broke down and ordered some from a hospital supply place. I keep them in the car, in the kitchen drawer... and if my kids start complaining of an upset tummy, they get one jammed in their back pocket.

    Sadly, the things are pretty weird looking and we have secretly dubbed them "big blue bull c0nd0ms."

    Not appropriate, but fairly good for morale when we've got a puking bunch. :-)

  3. A headset for your phone so you can call the 24 hour nurse line or doctors office. You can talk on phone while cleaning said mess. Also two packages of white washcloths from Costco, as they can be bleached, and can be mess cleaners too.


C'mon, let's chat a bit...

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...