Dear Ms. Plaid Shirt Wearing Gal,
Whereas I am sure you are a very nice young gal, I beg you to do a final mirror check before you leave the house.
Why?
Well, I am certain my fellow Costco shoppers were equally appalled by your outfit of choice.
And though I know that the circulation and movement impairing ultra-tight short shorts are uber cool, pairing them with a long button down plaid shirt is against clothing codes.
Meaning...I couldn't see your shorts. Leading me to think that a nice young gal was walking around Costco with just a plaid shirt and flip flops on. I had to stare at you for a good minute or two before finally seeing an swatch of fabric that put my curiosity to rest.
How about a compromise? Why don't you trade in your ultra short shorts and plaid shirt and instead go for plaid Bermuda shorts and I'll stop staring at you.
I think it's an excellent idea.
A
I have a new brown zip-up hoodie.
Hello brown zip-up hoodie, you have made my life better. I like you very much and intend to use you often. I appreciate that you didn't hit my wallet too hard and that you tend to disguise my postpartum chubs. You go with almost every clothing piece I own and you are cozy.
I enjoy wearing you with my current favorite casual outfit of a cute longer tank top, brown zip-up hoodie and jeans.
However.
Brown zip-up hoodie, please stop leaching brown fuzz onto my bare armpits. Really now. I showered AND shaved this morning but was surprised by the pseudo dark brown armpit "hair" that stared at me as I redid my hair this evening.
And I apologize to those of you who came over this afternoon when I was sans brown hoodie. I'm certain you too were fooled by the pseudo dark brown armpit "hair". It was brown hoodies' fault. He apologized and we have reconciled our relationship.
Thank you and goodnight...
A
Would someone PLEASE point me in the direction of some tropical weather and a pool?
And pass me the Banana Boat, I wanna work on my tan...
A
