This shockingly effective diet is guaranteed to curb those pesky unhealthy cravings and results in a dramatic short term weight loss.
Step 1:
Go to your local grocery store and lick as many grocery store cart handles that you can find. BONUS if you find someone coughing or sneezing, lick them too.
Step 2:
Restrict your intake of water to less than one glass per day, get no more than 4 hours of sleep a night and do not take any vitamins or supplements. This will produce a perfect environment for a virus to grow and multiple. Awesome.
Step 3:
Virus will have made enough little invaders that by two days post shopping cart handle licking you will have come down with a hacking cough, the inability to swallow without cringing and your sinuses (Sinusi?) so congested you want to slap yourself for licking those shopping cart handles in the first step.
Step 4:
In order to deal with aforementioned hacking cough and swallowing difficulty, suck on copious amounts of blue menthol cough drops until your tongue is permanently stained smurf blue.
Step 5:
Congratulations! You have reached peak effectiveness for the Cough Drop Diet Program! Now, while sucking on a blue menthol cough drop, try to imagine eating your favorite, most unhealthy foods.
Blue cough drop + Queso and tortilla chips = Yucky!
Blue cough drop + chocolate lava cake = Gag!
Blue cough drop + mashed potatoes and gravy = Blech!
Blue cough drop + ice cream = Barf!
Isn't that AMAZING? See how it works? As long as you are sucking on blue menthol cough drops you WILL lose those cravings for all your favorite foods resulting in dramatic short term weight loss.
Enjoy those blue menthol cough drops!
A
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Is there anything more awesome than shopping with young children?
We are FINALLY getting our family photos done and wanted to get some clothes for the shoot. While I don't want all of us in matching navy polos and pleated khaki's I would prefer that Bubbalu wear something other than a peanut butter smeared t-shirt and ripped jeans.
Oh yes, shopping with young children.
My hint? Bring CANDY and TOYS.
New toys in shiny plastic wrap that they are only allowed to hold and drool over until they have behaved sufficiently to earn the right to lay their grubby paws on an unpackaged toy.
Cereal bar? Nope, not good enough. Trail mix? Nada. Cut up pieces of fruit and a shot of wheat grass? Nice try.
You need CANDY.
Candy that ALSO has shiny plastic wrap on it that they are only allowed to hold and drool over until they have behaved sufficiently to earn the right to shove it into their mouth and swallow without chewing.
You just need the earplugs to silence the "Can I open it now? CanIcanIcanIcanIcanIcanI? Moooooooooom, can I open it NOW?" that is sure to ensue.
I would also suggest not bringing the noise cancelling earplugs because when your son sets off the store wide fire alarm you'll want to hear it and intervene appropriately before they ban you from shopping at their store permanently.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Not that this has ever happened to me before.
Or yesterday at 2:44 pm at Old Navy. But whatever.
My biggest mistake was not bringing a restraining device. I should have just brought my single stroller along but completely forgot. ( I decided to forgo the strait jacket because I figured it wasn't politically correct. Plus they don't make them in his size. Ain't that a shame? )
Strapping him into the 47 point harness in the single Bob stroller would have been beneficial being that he tipped over a rack of clothes, ran down a sales associate in Macy's, tried to climb the huge employee-only restocking ladder, peeked at other customers under the dressing room dividers and got lost, well, about 47 times.
Also, that little poo sweet boy WILL NOT ANSWER ME when I call for him. At one point all I could see was tufts of hair sticking up in the middle of a clearance rack in the next clothing section.
Good times were had by all (Insert massive eye roll). OY.
Any other hints and tips for shopping with young children? I need all the advice I can get...
A
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Now that the last day of October is (finally) behind us fall decor is in FULL swing. YAY!
Now, I celebrate fall in one very specific way. I have a hunch that MANY of you also choose to celebrate fall along with me in this one very specific way, don't cha?!
What?
Haven't figured it out yet?
A Pumpkin Spice Latte
Hallelujah my taste buds are dancing just typing those delicious words.
Yes, I do love me some pumpkin flavored sweets.
I thought I would declare my devotion to the deliciousness that is a Pumpkin Spice Latte and made a lil sumpin sumpin for my wall. See, I have this glorious new wideplank white beadboard that is all bare and needing some company in the form of decor.
Enter:
- One thrifted brand new wooden frame (with glass!? That never happens!) for $1.49. Spray paint it Heirloom white and then distress and regress and distress some more til it looks completely stressed out and happy.
Add in:
-Get a lovely "Be Calm" poster printed out. You know, the "Be calm and carry on" thingy's you've seen everywhere.
HOWEVER.
I wanted a special one.
So I made one and printed it out at Costco for $2.99 because my new computer is STILL not hooked up to our photo printer. For only $ 2.99 I really don't care because HELLO THIS IS CHEAPO.
"Be Calm" + Pumpkin Spice Latte :
Oh yeah baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Keep Calm Drink A Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Oh you want one for your wall? OK, I'm in a sharing mood, here you are:
Right click, save, print it out, frame it and be happy.
Happy Fall Y'all!
A
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Linking up to these FAB crafty parties:
