Greased Lightnin!

Bubbalu was given this cute Cars race track for his birthday or Christmas. I can't remember which:



I like the toy because you can race ALLLL sorts of cars on it and have competitions. Can you feel the excitement?

However, the matchbox cars have been rather slow while going down the track and many of them just get stuck. He's lost interest and it's starting to collect dust.

Enter Mommy Moment Of Brilliance. M.M.O.B. for short.

I hauled out the Pledge furniture polish, gave a paper towel a good soaking, and greased that race track till it was all sparkly and shiny.

Now those cars are FLYING down that racetrack (and some even go flying off the rim, much to his delight) and my toddler boy is engaged in super fun playtime for at LEAST 30 minutes. Hello, that's a Mommy Moment Of Brilliance if I ever saw one.

With a nice clean lemony scent to boot...

A

Rethinking Coffee...

I'm sorta on a diet.

Not a certain number of calories, points or grapefruits per day sorta diet, just a general overall rethinking of what I eat.

First up: rethinking coffee.

No, I am NOT suggesting the total exclusion of my favorite morning beverage, just rethinking what I put INTO it. As I have always said, I don't love coffee. What I love is cream, sugar, chocolate, whipped cream, caramel, syrups, sprinkles, whathaveyou. So, we are rethinking this.

Yesterday I added up the approximate number of calories I ingest by guestimating my average slosh of creamer added to my 4 cups of coffee per day.

Sidenote: Let me quickly define the "4 cups of coffee per day" statement. I have a mini 4 cup coffeemaker, but have always wondered what is defined as a coffeemaker "cup" compared to an 8 oz fluid cup. Guess what? I measured it out today and I drink 16 oz of coffee per day. SO...2 measuring cups worth. Definitely not as much as I thought.

Anyways, back to the creamer.

So my average creamer-slosh-a-day helping added up. A LOT.

I figured it is between 500-1,000 calories per DAY of creamer. YIKES. And let's not even talk about the sugar.

I promptly went out and purchased non-fat half & half which has 1/4 of the calories per serving, zero fat, and 2 grams of protein to boot. Yes, it has corn syrup added to it but at a much lower amount than the creamer. In flavored creamer the first two ingredients are listed as: Water, Sugar. In the non-fat half & half it is: Non-fat milk, milk. MUCH better for me.

Now. Let's get real.

It doesn't taste as good.

Of course it doesn't. So, to my AM cup o joe I add half & half and a smidgen of creamer. It's all about moderation, folks.

So do you think this might explain a 5 lb weight loss over the last two weeks?

Methinks so.

So what foods/meals/daily consumption might YOU need to rethink?

A

Baby Clothing System...

I went over to help my baby sister set up for her two babies who will be arriving this summer.

I forgot how much fun it is to go through tons of baby shower gift bags and set up a brand new nursery. It also reminded me how badly I need to reorganize Lil Chick's room.

Being that I have six different sizes smashed into her changing table/dresser, it's no wonder Lance gets confused when trying to dress her:

No, not those light pink 3-6 month pants, she's WAY too small for those. And not those light pink 6 month pants, they are way too short for her. No, not those light pink 0-3 month pants, they fit her funny on her legs. Here, put these newborn light pink pants on her, they are a perfect fit, can't you tell?

Honey, what's the problem? What, you don't understand my Baby Clothing System?

Let's start with the basic onesie.

Onesies:

The onesies on the front left side of the top drawer are reserved for occasional, they-don't-match-or-fit-great-but-are-there-for-emergencies onesies.

The onesies in the front middle of the top drawer are my favorite in not only style, but fit and color as well, but usually aren't there because they are either:

• in the laundry
• washed and folded and waiting to be put away on the floor of the living room, or
• in the diaper bag.

The onesies on the front right side of the top drawer are long sleeved or unisex onesies, best used for layering purposes.

The onesies and random tops in the back top drawer are matched sets that should NOT be desecrated by pairing them with non-matchy-matchy pants. If you do, then the pants are left lonely and sad, while the shirt marches on without them, getting stained and wash worn in an uneven ratio that completely upsets the system.

Unless you use that one pair of super cute minimally decaled jeans that are oh-so-cute and bootcut, THEN you may use the onesies and random tops in the back top drawer. But make sure you put on those Mary Jane shoe looking socks on to complete the look, or else it doesn't go.

See? Clear as mud.

I could go on, being that I have five dresser drawers, two shelves within the dresser, a five tiered shelf in the closet, two hanging rods, the shelf above the closet hanging rods and the entire floor of the closet worth of Baby Clothing System to share with you, but I won't.

Why?

I'm starting to get a wee bit confused...

A

Top Ten Things To Do Other Than Pee On The Potty...

Top Ten Things To Do Other Than Pee On The Potty:

1. Tear 18 million tiny pieces of toilet paper up and throw half into the toilet and half onto the floor...for decoration.

2. Adjust toilet paper bar up and down, up and down, up and down....to ensure you are responsible for the first incidence of re-drywalling in our new home.

3. Fake Mama out by grunting and groaning loudly...when she comes she will discover that instead of using the potty to poo, you were just pulling off your socks.

4. Sing your ABC'S as loudly as possible...surely this must be the appropriate time and place to practice them.

5. Pull open and empty the convenient little drawer right next to the potty that Mama has stocked with necessary bathroom essentials.

6. Pick at your toenails. After all, you went through so much grunting and groaning (see #3) to get your socks off you may as well make good use of the freed toes opportunity.

7. Pick your nose. Might as well.

8. Notice that Mama forgot to move the soap dispenser out of reach and attempt a hand soap pumps-per-minute record.

9. Gleefully discover that if you can scoot your Cars potty seat back far enough you can play in the toilet water WITH YOUR HANDS! Score!

10. With your new found toilet water access, splash a bunch of the toilet water on the floor. Being that there's a bunch of soap on it already (see #8) you might as well help Mama out a bit and do some mopping. I am certain she would appreciate using toilet water for floor cleaning purposes.

(MAYBE) 11. If you have to, I guess you could pee...but just a little bit, you need to save a whole bunch to wash your Lightening McQueen underwear with. He's been looking like he needs a bath...

A

Dinner Parties Are Not Meant For Children...

So we took the littles to a dinner party on Friday night.

It was a beautifully remodeled, Pottery Barn invoking, magazine photoshoot ready, stylish waterfront abode. I wanted to explore every inch of the place but didn't think our lovely hosts would appreciate me nosing around their laundry room or master bedroom closet.

I alternately spent my time panicking that my sunless tanner was emitting a scent only described by a metallic crossbred with my need-to-be-replaced running shoes and worrying that my toddler might walk up to the host, hold onto her chic capri pants and stare at her intently while filling his diaper with another, even more horrible, scent.

Less than five minutes after arrival Bubbalu threw both of his entertainment (matchbox cars) into the lake, once again solidifying my reasoning for purchasing his toys used. While that was quite entertaining for the rest of the guests I was less than thrilled. What am I going to occupy my inquisitive, stubborn, high energy toddler boy with now? Easy peasy: the neighbors' purple balloon which also ended up in the lake, rocks...which also ended up in the lake, and his sippy cup which ALMOST ended up in the lake. I just didn't want HIM to end up in the lake.

Bubbalu refused to eat his hot dog or anything resembling a normal diet and filled up on tortilla chips and watermelon. Ingenious combo, no? At least he drank milk. Sheesh.

Luckily there was a perfectly adorable chocolate brown lab for him to play with and a whole house full of understanding 'we have SO been there' folks.

Lil Chick blew out her pants while walking in the door which happily gained us private access to the master bathroom for changing duty. Stunning. Both the bathroom AND her diaper. She behaved very well but screamed halfway home to let her Mama know that she did, in fact, leave a bit too late. And by late I do mean 7:30.

Oy...

A

Paper Globes...

I found an awesome tutorial for paper globes over at the talented Heather Bailey. I decided that since I have a ton of scrapbook paper and zero hangydobbers for Lil Chick to stare at instead of sleeping, I deemed the project necessary.



I was extremely pleased with my results and enjoyed the project. I make three varying sized coordinating paper globes for Lil Chick's room and hung them at staggered heights with clear thread to act as a mobile:



Oh wait, who's that cutie in there!?

Hi sweetie...



(sigh)

OK, back to the paper globes. I got bit by the paper globe bug and proceeded to make another two sets of three for my sister who is expecting two babies soon. I coordinated the paper with the baby crib bedding colors she had already picked out and got to work. At 20 circles per globe, that is 120 circles folks! I liked how they turned out even better than Lil Chick's.

I hung them from lights in my house as decor during her baby shower:



So why don't you try your hand at paper globes?

My hints and tips for success:

• When coordinating papers and patterns, go outside the box a bit. Sticking with one hue leads to a boring paper globe . I prefer the globes that have an extra pop of intense color or a striking pattern. And no, they don’t look too wild or crazy. It just works. Trust me.
  
  
• Get thyself a paper shape cutter. If I had to cut out twenty circles by hand for each globe, this post wouldn’t exist and my baby girl would be staring at nothing but the ceiling. However, it would be a perfect ‘the kiddos are in bed and I need some therapy’ mindless task. Maybe something to do while watching Friends reruns over and over again….not that I do that (every night at 10:00).
  
  
• Use a glue stick to affix the circles to one-another....and make sure you have PLENTY of glue sticks proportionate to the project at hand before you begin. Make sure said glue sticks are NOT the seven year old glue sticks you purchased on a thrifty stock-em up clearance sale that have since turned to stone. These don't work so good. You may even have to make an emergency late night trip to Rite-Aid to remedy the situation...not that I did that (night before the party, 10:30 PM).
  
  
• Use the never-used-forgot-I-had-it paper scorer attachment on your paper cutter to make the folding super easy and crisp.

And WHERE is the tutorial? Download the pdf file off of Heather Bailey's site. Scroll down, bottom right under FREE Patterns. Not only is the pattern free, but scrapbook paper? C'mon, it's SO cheap...especially if you have one or three tote bins full of it just sitting around, right?!

Enjoy!

A

Ugly McUglyson...

I have a few pets. Nineteen actually....nope, twenty. OK, maybe eighteen. They just keep moving so fast I can't count em.

We are fish people, y'all. We did not choose to be fish people, they chose us.

We purchased our home complete with a HUGE built in fish tank. So now we are fish people.

Our fishtank is rather sparse looking being that it is so big, and we haven't been able or willing to upgrade it's decor or inhabitants much.

We did, however, purchase a helpful sucker fish so that we could be lazy and watch him eat the gook off the inside of the tank.

Meet Ugly McUglyson:



I named him. Cause he isn't exactly attractive. He's actually kinda creepy looking.

But I didn't care because owning him allowed us to be lazy. And I like myself a good dose of lazy.

Alas, I am speaking in the past tense because a few weeks ago, Ugly passed away and went to the great big fishbowl in the sky.

I'm not able to get my dose of lazy anymore...and the fish tank has seen better days. It's not exactly the pièce de résistance of the house that it once was. More like a grody goo box.

I want a beautiful, lush, tropical snorkel vacation invoking fish tank. Not a grody goo box. Maybe something like this:



And while I'm in the fishtank makeover process, I may just redo the downstairs bathroom and add this:



and this:



Because who doesn't want a dozen or so eyes on you while you go about your bathroom business?

I'm sure a certain toddler of mine would be THRILLED to use the fish potty and sink. He might even put his potty and poo-poo into the fish potty chair on a regular basis.

That's it, I'm SOLD!

A

Our Routine...

"Read Big Red Barn? OK!"

"...only the mice were left to play, rustling and squeaking in the hay. While the moon sailed high in the dark night sky."


"Read Gnight Thumper? OK!"

"...Papa and Mama kissed him, and before long, Thumper was fast asleep. Goodnight Thumper."


"Read Goodnight Moon? OK!"

"...Goodnight nobody, goodnight mush. And good night to the old lady whispering, "Hush". Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight noises everywhere."


"OK bud, into bed and we'll pray and sing our songs."

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

"Sing world hands? OK!"

"...Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world."


"Goodnight Bubbalu, Mama loves you."

"I wuv u Mommy"

Right there. That feeling of utter joy when your child first starts telling you he loves you. I want to bottle that up and keep it stored high on a shelf to open whenever I feel sad, down or in need of a little encouragement. Just a little taste of that feeling could turn a horrible day right side up.

Lord, thank you for my children. Help me to be a patient, kind, loving mother to them today. Shine through me to be Your light in their lives.

A

Beautification In A Bottle...

My fashionable beautifying tip of the day...no, month....no, year...OK, FOR LIFE:

GET A TAN!

And no, I am not proposing a lifetime membership at the tanning salon.

Tan in a bottle, spray tan or professionally applied tanner product, whatever. Just get some color to cover the winter white.

I have been using a knockoff product for the past couple of weeks with a pretty good result...just don't look too closely at my ankles or forearms. I tell ya, you need your Masters in Lotion Application to not have some sort of streak or extra "tan" in certain areas. I only attended the high school equivalent of Lotionization...which is why I have streaks, smudges and over tan ankles and forearms.

Although I have made a miraculous discovery to remedy that issue.

You know that lovely post I did a while back about the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser?

Yeah, you guessed it, it TOTALLY erased those extra pigmented over tanned streaks and marks!

And yes, I do realize that it is not an approved use of the product.

So folks, cover up the winter white with a lovely bottled tan. There's no need to freak about the application as long as you have a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser around, you're GOLDEN (pun completely intended).

A

Shirt Smoothers Unite!

I'm proud to be a shirt smoother.

That is, if I eventually remember the sad little load left in the dryer for the past three or seven hours (days). Why does that sad little load get forgotten every single time? It really shouldn't be THIS difficult, should it? Having an archaic dryer that takes more than a few hours to dry one measly load doesn't help matters any.

However, once I actually retrieve the forgotten load from the dryer I immediately smooth the shirts.

I usually employ the back of whichever sofa or love seat is closest to me (or the TV *ahem*) and one by one lay the shirts across the back of it and use my hands to smooth all the shirts out nice and neat.

That way, when I get around to actually hanging up the smoothed shirts (which may or may not be in the next two to seven days) they are relatively wrinkle-free.

Hand ironed if you will.

Which may explain why my one and only iron has officially been designated for craft use and is currently suffering from a bad case of adhesive stick-ums residue.

I must confess that I tend to steal clean shirts from the smoothed-out shirt pile before hanging them up in the closet. I also tend to have multiple stolen from smoothed-out shirt piles scattered about the house.

Today I managed to hang up my THREE stolen from smoothed-out shirt piles. I felt a great sense of accomplishment and pride of self.

But guess what I just found in my dryer?

A sad forgotten little load...

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Elephant Fun...

I've been feeling convicted of favoritism lately.

Here I am, having had SO much fun decorating Lil Chick's room with doodads and cutesy crafts, while Bubbalu lives in a cave with bare walls devoid of color or inspiration.

Bad Mommy! Bad!

Really now, toddlers need color and shapes to stimulate their brains. There's even scientific proof:



See? I told you.

So in the best interest of Bubbalu's brain growth, I finally came up with a fun project to do for him.

Remember the Scrappy Silhouette Artwork I did in a bird theme for Lil Chick's room? I took that idea and gave it some good ole toddler boy influence:



Very fun, doncha think?

Meet Elmer:



Meet Phanty:



Elmer and Phanty are going to meet their new owner tomorrow. Hopefully they will acclimate to their surroundings quickly and provide entertainment, color, charm and whimsy to the cave of destitution.

Two 11x14 frames from Walmart - $10. Scrapbook paper - almost free. The most expensive part of this project is time - can I get a busy mom shout out about that!?

Find the elephant template here, courtesy of Ms. Martha. I'm including the link because it took me an embarrassing amount of time to find a simple elephant template.

Directions: Print the template directly onto your scrapbook paper, cut out, affix somehow and embellish or decorate as needed. Put in frame...aaaannnnd DONE. Whew.

Any other crafty toddler boy room decorative awesomeness ideas for me?

A

Dear Ms. Plaid Shirt Wearing Gal...

Dear Ms. Plaid Shirt Wearing Gal,

Whereas I am sure you are a very nice young gal, I beg you to do a final mirror check before you leave the house.

Why?

Well, I am certain my fellow Costco shoppers were equally appalled by your outfit of choice.

And though I know that the circulation and movement impairing ultra-tight short shorts are uber cool, pairing them with a long button down plaid shirt is against clothing codes.

Meaning...I couldn't see your shorts. Leading me to think that a nice young gal was walking around Costco with just a plaid shirt and flip flops on. I had to stare at you for a good minute or two before finally seeing an swatch of fabric that put my curiosity to rest.

How about a compromise? Why don't you trade in your ultra short shorts and plaid shirt and instead go for plaid Bermuda shorts and I'll stop staring at you.

I think it's an excellent idea.

A

Brown Zip-Up Hoodie Issues...

I have a new brown zip-up hoodie.

Hello brown zip-up hoodie, you have made my life better. I like you very much and intend to use you often. I appreciate that you didn't hit my wallet too hard and that you tend to disguise my postpartum chubs. You go with almost every clothing piece I own and you are cozy.

I enjoy wearing you with my current favorite casual outfit of a cute longer tank top, brown zip-up hoodie and jeans.

However.

Brown zip-up hoodie, please stop leaching brown fuzz onto my bare armpits. Really now. I showered AND shaved this morning but was surprised by the pseudo dark brown armpit "hair" that stared at me as I redid my hair this evening.

And I apologize to those of you who came over this afternoon when I was sans brown hoodie. I'm certain you too were fooled by the pseudo dark brown armpit "hair". It was brown hoodies' fault. He apologized and we have reconciled our relationship.

Thank you and goodnight...

A

Beach Babe...

Would someone PLEASE point me in the direction of some tropical weather and a pool?



And pass me the Banana Boat, I wanna work on my tan...

A

I Love Daddy Everyday...

I want to be like Daddy someday, and have a little son.

I'll treat him like my Daddy treats me, I'll be his bestest friend.

Soon I'll be all growed up big and just because I can,

I'll still hug my Daddy everyday and say that I love him.



A

Chicky Talk...

Aunty Beth, check out my duds!



Here I am, wearing my chicky jammies. Mommy thinks it's hilarious when I wear them. Oh, and by the way, my head is NOT freakishly large in proportion to the rest of my body, I'm just leaning forward and trying to give Mommy a kiss.

SMOOCH!

A

My Costco Petition...

I have a petition for Costco that I would like to present before you. I am convinced that this petition would bring about change for the betterment of the community and for humanity as a whole. I humbly ask for your support.

Costco needs a drive-thu y'all.

Imagine if you will...

Instead of: juggling your sloshing Mochas (yes, that IS plural) while pushing your overfilled Kirkland Signature laden shopping cart and giving the children the 'because Mommy said so and Mommy's in charge' lecture all the while staining your kept out to get sharpied receipt...

Replace with: Pulling up to drive thru window, children serenely buckled in and smiling, Costco goodies stowed away safely in back...and NO drippage of the precious Mochas (yes, that IS plural).

I petition Costco to offer a drive thru window offering their food court fare for purchase. It would be a great improvement to the current system, and I am certain the construction costs would be offset by the increase in food court sales by the end of the second...no, first week. My increased business alone could fund the new cash register and headset required for drive thru operation.

Their food court patronage would increase ten-fold, and as reward for my idea I would only ask that a smallish plaque be displayed prominently in the esteemed 'on the way to the bathroom' hallway and a pass to cut in front of all the cars waiting to fill up on low gas price days. A small compensation for a stellar idea.

Wouldn't YOU hit up a Costco drive thu window if the 'find a spot, park and walk in' hassle was eliminated? I surely would.

Although my family might start complaining when we have chicken bakes, Caesar salad and berry smoothies for the third night in a row...

A

Fashion Friday : Man-pris?

I remember a good 4 years ago being at Disney World with my husbands' family watching the euro boys confidently wearing their Man-pris.

Why I was in Disney World on vacation WITH my husbands' family while he was back at home is another story. OK, really it's not that big of a story. He was in Dental School and couldn't come. I was invited along with my in-laws, and being that I have a superb relationship with them, I went and had a grand ole time despite leaving my poor scholarly husband at home to fend for himself.

As the Man-pris' wearing men walked (strutted rather) past, my MIL and I raised our eyebrows and looked to my FIL and bro's in law to catch their reaction.

They were less than impressed.

I believe they said something along the lines of, "I wouldn't be caught DEAD wearing man-pris!". Or, "that's as bad a man-purse!". Or "chya, whateva".

However, I wasn't as turned off by them as I thought I would be. They just looked like long shorts that weren't very wide. Here's an example from REI:



The real reason I'm writing this post is that I recently bought some nylon cargo-ish shorts for my little man. He wore them for the first time yesterday...and had MAYBE two inches of leg showing beneath the hem.

They may not be classified as Man-pris (or toddler-pris) but they sure looked like them. Being that he is off the top of the height charts but in the lower end of the weight charts may have something to do with how they fit him. Meaning they are about to fall off. I cinched down the waist strap so hard I might have frayed it. I need 3T shorts with a 12-18 month waist for him.

But you know what? He looked cute. Really cute.

I noticed an increase in the Man-pris wearing trend around here last summer. I've not seen many around the stores yet this season so I'm wondering if the fad is over.

So weigh in. Does your man wear Man-pris? Do your boys wear Boy-pris?

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