Today is a good day to be kind...

 Today is a good day to be kind.

    Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Much of what happens to us actually has nothing to do with us. What do I mean?  How someone chooses to treat you says everything about their character and nothing about yours. Their behavior isn't personal.  So. That gives us permission to stop taking things personally.  It is an incredibly freeing perspective shift.

    Does that mean we have no responsibility here? No. It goes both ways. How YOU treat others says everything about YOUR character.  Choose to continue acting purposefully in a way that is God honoring and is in line with your character.  What is that called??? INTEGRITY. 

New today in the Vintage Dutch Girl Etsy Shop is this new graphic design to remind ourselves and others to act in accordance with our character:

 

 

BE KIND

 

BE LIFE

BE TRUE

BE LOVE

 

 

January: Whew...

Once again, life got in the way of blogging! Massive January update:

We started off the year with Lance and I heading out of town to escape for a winter wonderland weekend in Winthrop, WA. Say that five times fast.

As is always the case before we head out on a vacay, I spend many hours packing the kiddos things and whisking them off to Grandmas, packing my things, packing our food, loading the car yadda yadda yadda. Of course it's all topped off with the inability to leave dirty dishes in the sink and you got yourself a tired Mama.

Seriously, I have to bleach spray my sink before I leave or I get all jittery and uneasy. Genetic predisposition maybe? Hmmm, maybe some of Grandma's Dutch deep cleaning stuck!

After our 6 hour drive, we met our Bro and Sis-in-law in Winthrop and stayed in a charming cabin overlooking the Methow River. Private hot tub on the deck, full kitchen, large cozy rooms, fireplace, and SNOW. So very wonderful!

We got a lovely first day of cross country skiing in doing a 14.5 mile loop. The first half was a hard uphill climb then you got to turn around and coast (aka, fly down the mountain praying you don't catch a ski edge and wipe out) the entire way back down to the car.

To warm up you head back to the cabin and jump into the hot tub! And because you are a smart person, keeping in mind to not drastically underestimate your core body temp and stay in so long you overheat. *Ahem*

The next day the boys decided to head out of town a mile or so up in the mountains to find better snow for sledding fun. The girls? Sleep in, watch movies, lazily drink our coffee (while sitting in the hot tub of course) then stroll through town and shop a bit.

FINALLY decide we should go see the boys and drive up there...Only to find Lance lying by the side of the road. Um. WHAT?

A rock? Oh. Where? Submerged in the snow. Oh. Lance took a direct hit to his shoulder blade? Yeesh.

Fast forward a 20 minute agonizingly bumpy drive down snowy mountain roads, 15 minutes worth of frenzied packing up the entire cabin while Lance stays in the car and moans ( we threw everything in the cars as fast as possible - really, it was quite a site to behold. If only I could pack that way), and a tense hour and a half drive to the Chelan ER where the ER nurse says:

"No, you couldn't POSSIBLY have broken your scapula, do you know how many G's of force that takes!?"

Fast forward 45 minutes:

"So, the X-ray shows you broke your right scapula."

Yep.

"So what position exactly was your arm in when you hit the rock?"

"Well, it was raised up because I was holding the video camera". I tell ya, I bust out laughing. Not sure if Lance thought it was funny or not. The ER doc just raised his eyebrows.

Ah yes, I love humor in stressful situations. Does that mean I'm emotionally immature? Maybe. While pregnant with Lil Chick at 34ish weeks and my OB doc said she was admitting me for full time hospital bedrest I SMILED. Nope, didn't cry. Didn't freak out. Just smiled.

For your viewing pleasure, the sled crash:



SO. Needless to say it has been slightly chaotic over here. I dug my nursing cap out of storage, was a single Mama to Bubbalu and Lil Chick, tried to keep a handle on the house (unpacking, blech) and ran my Etsy shop. Not going to lie to you, it wasn't easy. I was quite overwhelmed!

After a couple of rocky weeks Lance is now back at work and healing nicely. We were so very thankful that surgery was not required...and that our Sis in law is the nurse for an EXCELLENT orthopedic Doc! Ya know, being a Dentist and severely injuring your right arm/shoulder/back is not a good thing. SO thankful he is healing well.

A week after his accident, we had a fun week of snow in our hometown, schools cancelled and everything! Snow that lasts is a rare treat and the kiddos had SO much fun playing outside. I discovered a love of shoveling snow as our regular snow shoveler was still lying on the couch healing. Seriously, making ginormous piles of snow that take weeks to melt? YES.

I went cross country skiing through town the first night of the snow with my bro and sis in law and took a hard fall, spraining my ankle pretty bad. Awesome.

I may have cried a few times over the next few days. Just keeping it real.

10 days later and I am now the one healing nicely....but am fighting a nasty lingering sinus infection.

Doggedly determined to NOT be down. To NOT be cynical. To NOT get angry. I think that's how Satan gets to me. Throw a TON of stressful stuff all at once and watch me crumble. Nope. Not gonna work.

I'm leaning on the Lord.

After all, HE is in charge.

Amanda - VintageDutchGirl

Hot Tub Chaos....

Swimming lessons are done for the day and teacher says Bubbalu can go in the hot tub. A post-lesson treat for all the kiddos. They love it! Especially in our not-always-sunny Pacific NW summers.

Mommy walks over when she decides it’s time to go and tells Bubbalu, “Ok, it’s time to go, get out and get your flip flops on”. Six pairs of 4 yr old eyes look at me.

“NO! Teacher said I could stay in here!". Five pairs of 4 yr old raised eyebrows, one pair of Mommy raised eyebrows.

“Bubbalu, GET. OUT. NOW.” (No, not yelling….the scary quiet voice paired with the look that every Mom has which primary purpose is to scare your kids witless. I'll not tell you what my MIL calls this voice and look...Something along the lines of the big scary guy who rules the underworld of fire and brimstone. Yeah.)

“NO!”. Five 4 yr old children thinking, “hey, if HE gets to run the show, maybe I should try to!?”

At this point I’m trying to maintain my dignity (and balance) while chasing a 4 yr old around a small in ground hot tub while 5 other children look on with awe at Bubbalu’s response and fear at the Momma with THE FACE. Awesome.

Course, the pool deck was jam packed with parents and grandparents watching their precious young’uns learn the art of staying alive in the water. And now watching me run around the hot tub deck trying to grab my defiant son.

Yep, I eventually won. AND I did not fall in. Score +2 for me.

Bubbalu’s consequence of his (very public) defiance? No post-swimming lesson hot tub time the next day….which was the last day of swimming lessons. Painful.

Fast forward to three hours pre-swimming lesson the next day. I’m feeling super sad about Bubbalu not getting to sit in the hot tub with his swimming buddies. He LOVES people. He LOVES making new friends. He will be very sad not going in.

I hemmed and hawed, trying to come up with alternate ideas for a consequence for him instead of banning him from the hot tub on his last day of swimming lessons. I admit I almost changed my mind.

I’m glad I didn’t. What would that be telling him? Disobey and be defiant, especially in public…Mom will be angry and punish me….then I’ll get out of it the next day. Um…NO.

That last day in the pool he was telling anyone with a pair of ears that, “My Mommy said I can’t go in the hot tub today!”

Awesome. Make me look like a mean Mommy.

Then his teacher says to him, “Hmmm, sounds like you might have gotten in trouble.” THANK YOU. YES.

Bubbalu, “Yeah, I didn’t listen. I wouldn’t get out when Mommy told me to yesterday so I don’t getta go in the hot tub today. I'm gonna listen better next time”.

Almost fist pumped the air and cheered. What I said MUST have sunk in. (Pun completely intended)

Here’s to following through!

I am by no means trying to brag about how wonderful my children are, how compliant they are with respect to discipline or even my own response. Sometimes you just gotta finally say, 'Phew, that was good". Especially when so much feels like it's going wrong. Which I have much more to share later....and it involves paint. Yup.

Amanda

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Parenting a Spark Plug...

Some days I fail as a parent.

As least I feel like I've failed.

Yes, the kiddos may have been fed, clothed and kept out of general danger, but their other needs may have been left by the wayside.

You know, teaching them the fruits of the spirit like PEACE. PATIENCE. KINDNESS. SELF CONTROL. GENTLENESS. Patience. Patience. Patience. Pat - ok you get the idea.

I've had MANY of those days lately. Survival days. Struggling to provide those basic needs of a human, but ignoring many of those other, ya know, things. Let's just say our strong-willed child is once again trying valiantly to become ruler of the family.

God made him this way. God blessed him an unusually firm character, a drive and determination and spirit of fortitude that will one day become the very thing that helps see him through anything he sets his mind to accomplish.

He is a firework. A spark plug, if you will. Small package, lively zippy personality, huge potential.

Today I'm praying for patience, guidance and for a spirit of gratitude for the gift this wondrous child has been to us. For what character development parenting him has produced in ME.

Cause sometimes He needs to tear me down with whatever means necessary to wake me up again.

God knows what HE is doing. Imagine that.

Amanda

Things You Should NEVER Say. Ever.

I am a super duper proud Auntie to eight beautiful children. Three of those beautiful children are adopted. All of my sisters have been on the receiving end of some just plain rude questions. Are they always meant to be rude? Nope. Sometimes we don't even realize we are hurting someone with our words.

I stumbled upon an awesome blog post of a list of things you should NEVER say. EVER. It struck a chord with me as most of them are referring to adoption, pregnancy, family,infertility etc. You know, things that most people have within their circle of friends and family. We can all stand (me included. I've innocently blurted out comments that I later regretted and worried were misconstrued) to be a little more aware of our words and the affect they have on others.

I've adapted and added to this list and am posting it here. Read it, please add more NEVER statements in the comments that have been left out and repost this. Spread the word, folks:

Things you should never say. Ever.

* Never, ever ask a women if she is pregnant. She could be overweight. She could have an illness, or she could have a diastasis.

* Never ask a big family if "they know how that happens". It's crude. No one wants to discuss their sex life with a stranger.

* Never ask an adoptive family which ones are their "real kids". All children are real.

* Never ask an adoptive family if the children are "real brothers and sisters". Siblings are siblings no matter how they became that way.

* Never ask a childless couple when they are going to have kids. They could be trying. They could be infertile. They may not want children.

* Never ask someone how much money they make. Period.

* Never ask a single person why they are still single.

* Never ask if the black child in a family is from Africa. Not all black adopted children come from Africa.

* Never make a reference about The Blind Side to an adoptive family.

* Never say a child is "Just like Michael". {see above}

* Never ask a dating couple when they are going to get married.

* Never, even in jest, ask a couple if they are "done". I don't care how many kids they have. It's rude.

* Never ask a woman when she is due, unless you are certain, without a doubt, that she is expecting.

* Never tell a pregnant woman how she is carrying. No one wants to know their butt has gotten bigger. Or that they are carrying "all over."

* Never tell a new Mom how to take care of her baby. She will figure it out herself like we all do.

* Never assume the gender of a baby. If you don't know, simply use the phrase Your baby is _____________ {fill in the blank}.

* Never offer disciplinary advice to a Mom with a child who is out of control. You don't know if that child has autism, ADHD, RAD or is just strong-willed and that Mom may very well be doing the best she can.

* If a child is melting down in a public place, don't stare. Move on. Again you have no idea what that child may mentally be dealing with.

*Never walk away from a busy, obviously struggling Mother in a store/public place without saying to the Mom, "You are a great Mom and are doing a wonderful job" It will probably be the most memorable and encouraging thing she has heard all week.

* Never ask an adoptive family which kids are adopted. No adopted child wants to be pointed out.

* Never ask a family who hasn't already adopted if they are planning on adopting.

* Never ask a family who hasn't adopted when are they going to bring home their baby/child/children from (China, Ethiopia, Uganda, etc). God may not be calling that family to adopt. Your assumption puts unnecessary and unwarranted guilt and pressure on them.

* Never ask an adoptive parent how much their child "cost".

* Never say to a big family, "You should have your own reality TV show."

* Never tell any mother that her child is anything but adorable and perfect.

* Never say things to the older children of a big family like "You must have to work so hard." Or "It must be really hard to have all of those siblings."

* If a pregnant woman looks very pregnant, never say You look ready to pop. She may have months left to go.

* Never, ever tell a pregnant woman she looks like she is carrying twins. She probably isn't.

* Never tell a childless couple how great having a baby is. Again, they may be infertile.

* Never tell new parents all of the horror stories of being a parent.

* Never tell a newly pregnant woman all of the horror stories of birth.

* Never ask an adoptive Mom about her children's birth parents, especially in front of the child. Things like Why didn't they want him? Or Why was she given up? are hurtful to the child and often times the adoptive parent prefers to keep the information on the birth parents private.

* Never ask a family who has chosen to adopt first, "When are you going to have children of your own."

* Never say "oh, you must be a saint for adopting these poor kids." Or "oh I hope they appreciate what you've done for them."

* Never ask a parent with children of only one gender "Are you going to keep trying for a girl (or boy)?" or "I bet you wish you had a girl (or boy)!" Especially, in front of the kids.

* Never ask an adoptive Mother "What about his real mom? Or "Where is his mom?" Or "How old is his mom?" I am his MOM!!! I AM HIS MOM! ME! The one who takes him to every appointment, fights for him to get his medical supplies, advocates for him, holds him until he sleeps, changes every diaper, teaches him things, kisses his baby soft lips and cheeks. I...am..his mama! {added by reader Ashlee}

* Never tell a woman who has miscarried, "Don't worry you can always have another one."

* Never tell a women who has lost a child, "you can always have more", or "you are still young yet" or "she would have been difficult to take care of, with all her needs"

* Never tell a woman who miscarried that "It was for the best because the child probably had issues."

* Never assume because a family is adopting first that they are infertile. Or if someone is infertile never say to them that they will get pregnant now that they have adopted "because it happens all the time". NOT TRUE.

*Never ask "Is he mixed?" We're talking about a human being here people, not a dog.

(Adapted from a wonderful post by Courtney over at Storing Up Treasures. It's right HERE. )

Have something to add to the list? Land it in the comments.

Then, repost/link to this on your blogs, Facebook, etc.


Amanda

Facebook + This stuff = Fathcestboouffk

On Having My Parenting Skills Judged...

As a Mother I am judged every time I leave our house. Especially being that I have two extremely busy, inquisitive, strong-willed, extrovert children who are not in the least shy.

You've seen the look: Pursed lips, furrowed brow, sidelong glances.

My heart rate goes up and my palms sweat as I valiantly try to quickly and quietly (er, not TOO quietly) make my children appear like little angelic offspring. I care way too much what others think.

My kiddos were running around like uncontrollable banshees in our local thrift store yesterday morning. As I was struggling to corral them an older woman came up to me and said, "You are a great Mom. You are doing a GREAT job." To have that little bit of mercy shown during a particularly trying Mommy moment was a ray of sunshine through the storm clouds.

Fighting the demons in our heads that whisper "You are failing as a Mother, you aren't doing enough, you are worthless" is a monumental task. Only with Jesus.

Lord, bind those demons, shackle their powers. Have mercy on all of us today. Let all of us struggling Mama's be a light that shines for YOU through to our children.

Let the importance of what YOU think of us as Mothers take precedence in our thoughts.

Not what strangers think of us.
Not what our "friends" think of us.
Not what our neighbors think of us.
Not what our relatives think of us.
Not what our Facebook friends think of us.
Not what other parents think of us.
Not what our community thinks of us.

Nothing matters but to please YOU Lord. Help us be Godly Mothers today. Be our ray of sunshine through the stormy skies of Motherhood so we can shine Your love and grace on our children.

Amanda

My FAVORITE Post of 2009...and a Mr. Linky

Happy New Year!

Just between you and me, this Mama is thrilled to see 2009 over and a bright and fresh new year here and ready for us to live it.

What can I say? 2009 wasn't spectacular. There were many struggles and issues going on in our lives. Not that we don't have any more struggles or issues (let's face it, with MY attitude problem there is ALWAYS an issue) but somehow I think 2010 will be a wonderful year.

I'm reflective and pensive today, remembering one year ago today when I hit rock bottom. We rang in 2009 to the blips and lights of monitors in the hospital with our sick three week old baby girl. We were day four into Lil Chick's hospital stay and I completely lost it.

It STILL makes me cry to think about it.

I cry EVERY TIME I read that post.

That post needed to be written. It was how I dealt with the overwhelming circumstances and the flood of thoughts and emotions pouring over and through me. I sobbed as I wrote it, knowing full well I looked like a crazy woman with tears spilling onto the keyboard.

Strangely, It's my favorite blog post of 2009.


A

Will The Super Mom With Boundless Energy Please Stand Up...

My friend Rachel asked me:

I'd like to know how you do all your creative projects with 2 little kids around. I can't get any of my sewing projects and I only have one right now. Although I do work 2-1/2 days and I'm pregnant so I'm pooped by the end of the day. But you seem to have so much energy.

Oh girl. If you only knew. I hope I haven't insinuated that I am a super Mom with boundless energy and productiveness who completes every task with a smile plastered on her face. No no no. I get all my creative projects done by shirking my housekeeping, playing during naptime and giving up other things. I don't watch much TV anymore, but I've conveniently replaced the my TV screen time for computer screen time.

I am blessed to be a SAHM. I am NOT blessed with excellent time management skills. Besides, being a SAHM automatically means you have issues with completing tasks and actually feeling productive. At least in our house that's what it means. Tasks (and fun crafty projects) are often thwarted by poopy diapers (or poop ON THE FLOOR), children injuring each other, errands to run, sick children to nurse back to health, laundry and...hmmm, what else?.... oh yeah, everybody needs to be fed once in a while.

This bouncing back and forth between projects and housework and childcare is often frustrating for me. I often have to remind myself that being a Mama to Bubbalu and Lil Chick is THE most important task that I have. Sure, I know it in my head, but sometimes my head needs to be reminded.

Yes, more important than completing that super uber cute shirt pattern that I've had mulling around in my brain. Sometimes that means putting my latest project down and not returning to it for a few days (*ahem* WEEKS).

Bottom line: I'm NOT super Mama. I get VERY tired (and cranky!) and exhausted. I often choose to be crafty instead of doing housework. I blog, craft, sew and create things for therapy. IT WORKS FOR ME. It is my passion and I choose to pursue it unless my family is suffering because of it.

Still don't believe my claim? Ok Rachel, here's a photo I snapped just minutes after reading your question:



There, feel better now?

And mind you, superimpose five bins of random Christmas decor scattered about the room and you can see what it looks like right this very moment.

However, my Christmas tree looks quite spectacular, if I do say so myself...

A

***Have a question you would like to see answered? Make my day and become a fan on the Vintage Dutch Girl Facebook Fan page HERE and throw your questions at me.

Praying For Olive Hope...

I have someone I'd like you to meet.

Meet Olive Hope:



Sweet Olive Hope was born at 28.5 weeks in Chiang Rai, Thailand where her missionary parents, Rusty and Lynette, are spreading the word of Christ Jesus. Rusty was one of my youth group leaders and our church supports Rusty and his wife, Lynette, as missionaries in Thailand. People around the world are praying for this little one as she fights to live.

Psalm 52:8-9 'But I am like an OLIVE tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will HOPE, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints.'

You can follow Rusty and Lynette's blog HERE as they chronicle Olive's struggle to live and the challenges they are all facing by being in such a far away country.

I ask that you join me in praying for little Olive Hope as she fights for her life. Grab the HTML code under the button and paste it into an "html code/javascript gadget on your sidebar to spread the news about this precious baby girl.

<a href="http://www.rustylynette.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src=" http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/VintageDutchGirl/PrayingOlivecorrectsize.jpg" /></a>

Want to know more ways you can help?

An auction has been set up to help offset the enormous medical bills Rusty and Lynette are facing. You can:

- DONATE an item/service for the auction. What ever you have to give would be appreciated. What are you talents? Where has God blessed you abundantly? Be creative. Be generous. (information on how to donate on sidebar of link.)

- BID on an item/service from the auction. Bidding starts on November 22! That's in three days! Bidding will run until November 28th. To enter a bid, starting November 22 all you have to do is leave a comment with the amount of your bid. You'll have to check back to see if others have outbid you and submit another bid to win. ( * Hint, there may be a shirt refashion/sassification up for grabs * )

Need more ideas?

- You can make a DONATION to the Olive Hope Care Fund.

- You can leave a NOTE OF ENCOURAGEMENT and SUPPORT for Rusty and Lynette on their blog HERE.

- You can JOIN the Praying for Olive Hope group on Facebook. Updates on Olive's condition are often posted, allowing you to direct your prayers accordingly.

- Pray fervently. We serve an AWESOME and ALL-POWERFUL God who holds Olive Hope in His hand...

A

Welcome Home...

She was completely and all-encompassingly focused. You could try talking to her, but you wouldn't get far.

She stood amidst a swarm of strangers not seeing them or caring about them. It was busy and loud as families, spouses and friends were reunited. She couldn't hear them. She stood staring at the exit of the escalator waiting to see a familiar face. She was quiet. She was focused. She was waiting.

She's been waiting over a year for this moment. This moment that will forever be etched in her heart and mind.

She has a three week old precious baby girl. She has been a single parent for over a week as her husband has been gone on this journey. She is tired and emotional but eager.

Her brother whistles and motions that he can spot them coming up the escalator.

The video cameras start rolling...the cameras are turned on and ready to go.

Her heart is ready.

She first spots her husband's brilliantly smiling face. He has never smiled so brightly before...not even on their wedding day. It is a proud smile. A tender smile. A fatherly smile.

Next she spots a little dark head that he is carrying in his front pack. As he nears the top you can see two little dangling arms, two dangling legs.

She runs forward and clings to her husband and her new baby boy. They fumble with the many straps, struggle to lift him out and then finally, finally FINALLY she is at last holding him in her arms...and in her heart. She is sobbing and shaking as she holds him, the enormity of the moment overwhelming her.



She kisses her husband and turns to face her waiting family.

She walks over, shows him to us and says, "this is our son!"



He is introduced to his little sister. Their family has doubled in less than a month.



Welcome home Isaiah Melkiso. Welcome home and welcome into our hearts. You are muchly loved.



Love your Auntie,

A

Our Routine...

"Read Big Red Barn? OK!"

"...only the mice were left to play, rustling and squeaking in the hay. While the moon sailed high in the dark night sky."


"Read Gnight Thumper? OK!"

"...Papa and Mama kissed him, and before long, Thumper was fast asleep. Goodnight Thumper."


"Read Goodnight Moon? OK!"

"...Goodnight nobody, goodnight mush. And good night to the old lady whispering, "Hush". Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight noises everywhere."


"OK bud, into bed and we'll pray and sing our songs."

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

"Sing world hands? OK!"

"...Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world."


"Goodnight Bubbalu, Mama loves you."

"I wuv u Mommy"

Right there. That feeling of utter joy when your child first starts telling you he loves you. I want to bottle that up and keep it stored high on a shelf to open whenever I feel sad, down or in need of a little encouragement. Just a little taste of that feeling could turn a horrible day right side up.

Lord, thank you for my children. Help me to be a patient, kind, loving mother to them today. Shine through me to be Your light in their lives.

A

Tuesdays Unwrapped - Itty Bitty Baby Spit Up...

How many more days will I have itty bitty baby spit up somewhere on me? Why does it always reappear after I've left the house? I find stray puddles on my shoulders, back, under my neck or on my pants.

I was feeding Lil Chick today when she choked, coughed, gagged and spit up her milk. I could feel it making its slimy path down my bare side towards the waistband of my jeans. Most of the time this really makes me upset. I do not enjoy the stinky sour milk scent. Nor do I favor cleaning it out of my clothing, upholstery and bedding.

Today I felt differently. I looked at the little baby in my lap and smiled. How many more days will I have a sweet baby girl to feed?

I picked up Bubbalu's baby book tonight and read about his developmental milestones. Lil Chick is neck and neck with her older brother. Will she really be scooting herself forward in just a few months? Do I really have to find those soft baby spoons so soon? Will you really be able to suck on your toes soon?

Savor today. Squeeze every drop of life out of it. Even if those drops make their way to your sholders, back, neck or your pants...

A

Worthy Is The Lamb...

On this Good Friday I am filling our house with the Message by way of music.

I have a fondness for Christian music that ties us to the believers before us and is steeped in the rich theology of the Christian Reformed faith.

Yes, I like hymns. Give me a Psalter Hymnal and I'm peachy. Call me old fashioned, call me stodgy, call me boring. Fine. You can't ignore the impact music has made on our faith. Hymns were used to teach theology. I have a problem with people wanting to competely rid the Church of these hymns that, after being around for hundreds of years, are suddenly "out of date" and "old-fashioned".

Not that I don't love the more current praise and worship music. My favorite modern day hymn is 'In Christ Alone' co-written by Keith & Kristyn Getty and Stuart Townend. RICH in theology and awesome to sing:



There is a place for both in worship. However, I do believe that we are doing a disservice to our children if we are not teaching them the rich music that has been an integral part of our faith for generations.

With that in mind, I am playing 'The Messiah' today and throughout the weekend into Easter Sunday. The Messiah was written by Handel in 24 days in 1741. 24 DAYS. My copy of The Messiah has 252 pages in it minus the 3 introduction pages. That is a miracle.

Here is a video clip of the ending of The Messiah, the song 'Worthy Is The Lamb':



May you have a reverent and reflective Good Friday and celebratory Easter Sunday...

A

Random Hospital Chatter...

We are just now getting the finalized hospital bills from Lil Chick's hospitalization. Apparently it racks up quite a tab. YEOWCH. However, we are feeling thankful that insurance is paying a good chunk of it.

Here is some random hospital chatter floating through my brain:

The hospital food was not super great. Now. I am a VERY unpicky eater. I'll eat most anything and say it isn't too bad. However, the food left much to be desired. Enter Becky, my cousin in law. She is a Registered Dietitian at the hospital and gave me some huge insider tips on what I could order on my meal trays. Every day I had a huge Naked juice smoothie, a vanilla or chocolate milkshake, protein bars, fresh fruit, fresh side salad and either a grilled cheese sandwich or Club sandwich. The nurses always said to me, "You have the BEST meal trays!". Hee hee hee.

Over the course of the 16ish days spent in the hospital I consumed close to 20 Club sandwiches. They we SO good! Really. They were. I would look forward to my lunch and a movie. When you're on bed rest in the hospital there's not much to look forward to. Eating and blood draws...woot it up! Apparently Club sandwiches were very exciting for me.

We had some amazing nurses, both in Labor and Delivery and the Pediatric unit. I felt comfortable in their care. The L&D nurses kept trying to recruit me, but I said I wanted to be lazy for awhile. Make pies and grow a garden. That sort of thing.

There really is no limit to how many Sudoku puzzles you can do in a row. I did so many of them my eyes started blurring.

One of my Obstetricians took pity on me in my laptopless state, and brought his personal Macbook in for me to use. GLORY. I wrote two posts before heading downhill.

That very same Obstetrician delayed a scheduled C Section so I could get my epidural. Once again...GLORY. Dr. M you are my friend for life.

When Lil Chick was in the hospital I still had bruises up and down my arms from my own hospitalization. I felt quite battered both physically and emotionally.

I realized that despite the dire circumstances we were in, I still felt very comfortable in the medical environment. I felt competent and sharp. Weird huh? Especially since right now I feel fuzzy and dull. But that's because I'm in a post chocolate chip consumption coma.

And of course, my family and friends love me. They showed love by visiting, calling, praying, cooking, cleaning, babysitting, loving on Bubbalu when I couldn't, shopping & returning, more praying, mocha delivering, hugging & crying, emailing, gift gifting, yet more praying and telling me they love me.

But they didn't have to tell me they love me. I already knew. It was shown to me over and over again.

And I love you all right back.

A

Hitting Rock Bottom...

Lil Chick came home from the hospital last week Tuesday.

I cannot describe how great it felt to come home and resettle after spending a week in the hospital. My own bed! My own kitchen! No cords or tubes attached to Lil Chick! Unlimited sleep!

OK, let's get real, there is no such thing as unlimited sleep with a newborn. However, there is a HUGE difference between stumbling groggily to the nursery to feed a starving newborn vs. being awoken by alarms and personnel at all hours of the night. Granted, the alarms and frequent checks were necessary for Lil Chick, but did not promote rest.

I am no stranger to sleep deprivation. I did 12 hour night shifts and pride myself on being able to stay awake and lucid when need be.

So despite getting up every three to four hours at night to feed Lil Chick, I am feeling SUPER compared to the rest I was getting in the hospital.

I managed to handle spending four days and nights in the hospital with only one quick 2 hour 'run home to shower and grab stuff' break before I cracked.

I hit rock bottom.

Lil Chick was on a 4 hour inconsolable crying spree and I got to the point where I could not cope one minute longer. I was getting angry and was afraid of myself.

The last month has wiped me out. A high risk pregnancy culminating with a week of intensive hospitalization and a scary delivery, five days after delivery driving across the state to a destination wedding, a uncharacteristically sick and crabby 2 yr old, food poisoning (oh yes, I got food poisoning one week postpartum), daily heel pokes for Lil Chick, a sick husband, pest invasion in our brand new home (eww!) forcing our eviction on Christmas Eve Eve and the subsequent laundering of every shred of clothing/bedding/fabric in our entire house, the normal hustle and bustle of celebrating Christmas and then ending with my sweet baby in the hospital.

I called my husband sobbing at 11pm and said I couldn't cope one second longer. Those four days in the hospital I was experiencing intense sleep deprivation and actually losing my mind. The phrase, "I can't think or see straight" is accurate. My mind was jumbled and I couldn't focus my vision. I had flashbacks of Bubbalu screaming for hours on end in colicky bouts and started to panic.

The funny thing is, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was failing somehow, that I was supposed to be able to handle it all by myself and STOP FREAKING OUT ALREADY! I kept thinking to myself, "suck it up princess, think about what parents of terminally ill children have to go through! You're being a complete wimp".

Lil Chick's nurse came in right after I made my call for help and we discovered that her IV was causing her pain. While the nurse was checking her IV she shrieked and dug her heels into the bed and arched her back. She continued shrieking until the IV was taken out and I could hold her. Just thinking about it now makes me cry.

Lance and my Mom came that night to rescue me. They performed a necessary intervention and took me home to get some sleep while my Mom stayed with Lil Chick.

Leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I am crying as I write this and continue to fight against that feeling of being selfish, of not being able to handle it, of failure. How I left my sweet baby to get some sleep. What kind of mother does that?

I slept for 2 nights and spent a few hours with Bubbalu, who I was missing intensely (and had another ear infection). I spent the last few days with Lil Chick in the hospital before coming home last Tuesday.

Her hospitalization already feels like it happened months ago. That it might have just been a bad dream.

What has this taught me? I've learned that I can't do it all by myself. I CAN'T cope. I DIDN'T cope. Only through God folks, only through God. It is easy to say that you lean on Christ, but when chaos and pain slaps you in the face again and again? Not so easy.

I am writing this because it is real, it happened, it is my life. I know I normally keep my posting on a lighter note, but this was my reality.

Our family is now in a time of healing: mentally, emotionally and physically. We crave pattern and routine and are looking to see what our new definition of 'normal' is.



We are in love with our sweet baby girl. She is growing like a weed and doing great. Her Mama has been pleasantly surprised by how well she sleeps and her lack of fussing and crying. Bubbalu is sweet to her (for now!) and calls her 'baby sithster'.

We are blessed.

A

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you -
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forever more.

In The Hospital...Again...

Well, we are back in the hospital again; this time I am not the patient. The patient is our lovely little lady, Emmy. I took her in on Tuesday the 30th after noticing some irregular breathing, heart rate and color changes. Not things you want to see in your baby.

She is currently on IV antibiotics and monitoring to make sure her vital signs stay normal. She does NOT have RSV, but the doctors suspect a bacterial infection of some sort.

We rang in the new year sleeping on separate cots under the lights and blinking of monitors. Not quite the way I pictured our New Year's celebration.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Pray for a quick recovery for Emmy and for strength, patience and rest for her Mommy and Daddy.

A