Obesity Pandemic: SOLVED. Subway Style...

Today I took my kiddos out for a spontaneous picnic lunch.

After all, I felt guilty that their breakfast consisted of a splash of milk and a fruity granola bar.

Some people in the house may have overslept a wee bit this morning...or a lot of bits. Like 72 bits. Which is really just 6 bunches of bits. Yes, now that doesn't sound so bad.

Anywho, we were a little flustered getting Bubbalu off to preschool in time (hence the gourmet breakfast) and while zipping up his coat I accidentally caught the side of his face with my fingernail. BIG scratch. BIG tears. Needing lots of snuggles, cold pack application and kisses...45 min late to school.

*sigh*

So it goes.

After picking Bubbalu up from school we had the normal debate as to where to head to pick up a lunch. I always choose Subway. Or at least 98% of the time. Yet, that measly 2% of the time (McD's) is pined after by the young-uns. The holy grail of childhood dining.

While sitting on a bench at the local ball field playground munching our turkey subs I had an epiphany.

Get ready, these don't come often.


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Amen? I tell ya, many a parent has bemoaned the lack of a children's play place at Subway. Seriously.

Dear Subway,

If you install a fun, brightly colored children's play place in most of your fine fast food establishments I am guessing your profits would DOUBLE. Or TRIPLE. Depending on how many crawl though tubes and tunnels you have. Maybe you could have a ginormous crawl though sub sandwich. How fun would that be!? Add in a slide fashioned from a carved out cucumber that lands in a pit of large plastic tomatoes and you are golden.

As a special request, might you consider adding a time out chair in the corner? You know, so I can politely point it out to the parent of the child who is karate chopping my son in the stomach? That'd be great.

For your convenience, my royalties can be direct deposited via paypal.

Sincerely,

Amanda - Vintage Dutch Girl

My Special Custom Costco Cart...

Dear Costco,

In addition to the drive thru that you will install for me, your #1 Customer, I have another request.

I would like to request a special custom cart saved just for me and a select group of my friends who make the list. (Am currently compiling the list and will deliver it to you upon completion of my request).

My Special Custom Costco Cart must include:

1. A plexiglass divider between the two seats in the front of the cart. It must be at least 4 feet tall so a certain 3 yr old cannot reach over to pummel his 1 yr old sister.

2. A plexiglass kick plate on the front under the shopping cart handle that extends down a good 3 feet or so to protect my legs and stomach from being kicked by aforementioned 3 yr old.

3. Why don't we just go and enclose the entire child-holding part of the cart while we're at it. Please let it be completely soundproof as to mute the sounds that comes out of my 1 yr old when she opens her mouth. (Lil Chick screamed so loud today in Costco that the elderly woman in front of me jumped clear out of her orthopedic shoes. Then she glared at me. Right before Bubbalu threw my Costco coupon book at her. Lovely. Mother of the year.)

4. I NEED a cup holder. And maybe you could make it keep my hot mochas hot and the frozen ones cold. Why don't you just put two or three of those hot/cold cup holders on there while we're at it so I can sip one while I shop and keep one or two more the appropriate temperature so when I arrive at my Sister's house they will be the perfect temperature for an hour long impromptu chat/playtime.

5. I could use a small mirror so I can fix my hair that gets hopelessly disheveled when I walk through the wind tunnel at the entrance to the store.

6. A receipt holder clip on the side of the plexiglass child enclosement so that the receipt isn't in a sweaty crumpled mess in my fist by the time I get to the sharpie wielding checkers at the exit.

7. A map of the store complete with current location of the Starbucks Frapps and Tostito's queso cheese. Yes, I could NOT find the queso cheese today. Very disturbing.

8. A priority checkout pass. Ya know, because I'm your #1 Customer and all.

Except for your Kirkland Signature Macaroni and Cheese. You missed the mark on that one.

Please let me know when my cart will be ready. I'll be waiting.

Yours truly,

A

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All I Ask For Is a Sassy Calender...

Dear Costco,

I must say I am disgruntled and disappointed at the 2010 calender selection provided at your local warehouse. I was unable to find one to suit my taste as you are no longer carrying the calender style I have purchased for the last...oh...FIVE years or so. Why aren't you carrying the Mary Engelbreight calender this year? Did you say something to tick her off?

In desperation, (after all, it WAS January 4th already) I purchased the scenic Washington calender. Not that I don't love scenery, I'm just not a fan of scenic picture calenders. I also don't like cat or dog calenders or the top 12 wild game kills in Washington calender.

Today my Mother informed me she has purchased an adorable and SASSY calender that far outshines my scenic Washington calender. She said it was even advertised as being a SASSY calender. They were pretty much thinking of me when they designed it, I'm sure.

What really frustrates me is that she paid $0.49 less than I did for the aforementioned sassy calender that she has in her possession.

Costco, dear Costco, you really bit the big one on calenders this year.

Good thing you redeem yourself with your $1.09 Mocha. Goodness gracious, I'd forgive A LOT worse than shoddy calender selection for a $1.09 Mocha. For example: One day I asked my husband to pick up romaine lettuce from our local warehouse and he said they were ALL OUT of romaine. I about fainted right then and there. Good thing I had a $1.09 Mocha to revive myself with.

Costco, we're still friends. I'm still your biggest fan. Our house is still a product promoting Kirkland Signature billboard.

Let's just do better with your calender selection for 2011, M'kay? Maybe consider carrying a sassy calender for your #1 fan.

Come December I'll be on the lookout, Mocha in hand.

With deepest regard and affection,

A

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