Mojo. Heritage. RV Upholstery. Yup, hold on to your socks...

Schneikees, I've been neglecting this blog. Again.

I've thought about taking a permanent break on this blogging thingymajig because you can't really predict if you've got the bloggy mojo or not.

And that mojo has been sparse this year. Sparse, I tell ya.

It tends to show up when I'm adequately rested, fed, exercised, and all is right in my parenting world.

Um, yeah. That's not often.

However, I like this thing.  I like just blurting out whatever I want to blurt out.

I can talk about my kids. Or shopping. Or parenting failures. Or parenting successes. Or crafting and sewing (LOVE). Or DIY. Or decorating. Or Pinterest. Or cooking.

It's just my slice of life. And in the end? I'm blogging for my family. I hope my kiddos can look back on what I wrote and (aside from immense guilt at the potty training torture they put me through) feel like they really get me. Like they really know me.

And in the end that's all that matters. Not fortune or fame or any worldly possession or accolade. It's all about the heritage of our family.

Whoa. Didn't mean to get so deep there.  Quick, let's change the subject before I bawl all over the keyboard.

So, what's new with you?  Are all three of you still here?

Our latest news: We finally bought a travel trailer, YAY!  We are a family seriously in love with camping. Er....I mean GLAMping. Heh.  My hotel on wheels isn't exactly "roughing it".  I don't care if you are sleeping on the ground in your shirt or are in a huge deluxe RV, it is an awesome way to build family memories and have some fun. Once again, our family heritage had a huge influence on our love of camping...{sniff!}...We both grew up in camping families and have multiple camping trips planned this summer.  Often with the grandparents....er, often with BOTH sets of the grandparents! Oh its just SO lovely when your parents and in-laws are friends :)

Anywho, back to the travel trailer:

Guess what? I tore the entire thing apart and sassified it.

Yep, it was a brand new trailer.

Yep, I tore it apart.

What can I say, my hubby loves me (and deeply trusts me too, I guess!). And he gets me. He knows this kind of creative project breathes joy and life into my soul.

So, I'm a thinking I should show you my huge six week project of sassifying our new travel trailer. Yes? Yes.

See you soon. I think. Maybe. We'll see... 

Amanda - VintageDutchGirl


 Check out all the posts from this Travel Trailer Makeover Series!

• Part 1: A sassified Shower Curtain

• Part 2: The "before I tore everything apart" Tour
• Part 3: Bright Bold and Beautiful Fabrics
• Part 4: Wallpaper removal, A Dismantled Trailer and New Side Curtains  
•  Part 5: Cornici Recoving! 
• Part 6: Dinette Cushions Madeover!

Setting Diapers on Fire…

My husband and I set a diaper on fire last night.

It all started with a baby shower game. You know, the game where you melt different chocolate candy bars in numbered diapers and have the participants try to guess what candy bars are in each diaper. I call it the 'Sniff A Poo!" game. Baby shower awesomeness!

I was also planning on making cupcakes for this baby shower but found I was out of sprinkles, frosting, and cupcake liners. Pretty much everything except a cake mix. Off to the grocery store I went. I found oodles of sprinkles in bulk and had a mighty fun time choosing a huge variety of colors. You know, for all my future sprinkle needs. One can never have too many sprinkle options. And can I just say? Bulk is the way to go in the purchasing of candy sprinkles. I think I spent a total of $3.00 and have 7 new sprinkles.

WOW, I sure have a lot to say about sprinkles. I'm sure all three of you who are reading this are sitting in shock and amazement at the level of entertainment this post has achieved.

While shopping, some other bulk candies jumped into my cart as well. Don't really know how THAT happened. Not that I'm complaining. I was nice and let them stay. I'm in the car driving home (happily munching on some of those jumpy chocolate covered peanuts) when I realize that I forgot a KEY component in the cupcake making process.

The cupcake liners.

Back to the grocery store I go. However, I went to a different grocery store to avoid the shame and embarrassment of having to return to the sprinkle grocery store. Yes, I will call it the Sprinkle Grocery Store from now on. It has a nice ring to it, dontcha think!?

Fast forward three hours: Cupcakes are made and cooling and I'm in our office designing a 'Sniff A Poo?' guessing game sheet. My hubby is melting chocolate candy bars in diapers in the microwave. You know, for the game. Soon, he yells to me that he set something on fire. Um, what?

Turns out, there was a chocolo-diaper hot spot and it burned a huge hole in the middle of the diaper. Whoops. Turns out diapers can catch on fire. Good to know! I for one have never seen a warning on a diaper box: Do NOT Microwave Diapers, risk of fire.

Our house STUNK despite opening windows to air it out. This morning? Same yucky smell. I'm hesitant to use the microwave. If I reheat my coffee will it taste like a burnt diaper? Probably.

I'll let you know how the game goes. For your future baby shower hosting needs, here is a free printable of the Baby Shower melted candy bar 'Sniff a Poo!" game sheet:

Print off as many as you like.

Speaking of things being burnt, the Burnt Umber Blossom Infinity Scarf Giveaway ends this Saturday the 31st of March:

Get your entries in! Up to seven possible entries! See post HERE.

Off to clean my house...

Amanda - VintageDutchGirl

Vintage Xbox for Four (and a HALF) year olds...

Being that is was another cold Washington Summer Weather 2011 day, the kiddos were getting bored being stuck inside the house. Again. (and I may have been going slightly bonkers).

Having been introduced to the wonderful world that is video gaming by my boy cousins at a recent family dinner, I hauled out our old school Xbox to show Bubbalu how it's done.

A. When I say old school, I mean it. The date promter started at '01. Which made me giggle. Just think, only 9 more years and it's eligible to be sold as Vintage on etsy!

B. Bubbalu is a better Rallysport driver than I am. Embarassing. Being showed up by a 4 (and a HALF! he always insists) year old. Huh, all those days growing up playing Wolfenstein on our PC didn't teach me anything!?

C. Should I teach him DanceDance Revolution? That'd be some serious hilarity. And an effective energy burner....hmmm. (...Runs off to find DDR dance mat....).

D. I need to unearth some older Xbox kids games. Anyone willing to donate some old castoff games to the "Amanda needs to clean her house and keep her sanity" fund?

Happy gaming!

Amanda

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Unrecognizable Brown Blobs...for Breakfast. Yum yum!

I was going through all the pictures on my phone and came across this one:



I remember taking this photo because I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the shape was supposed to be. It's a holiday pancake mold, which makes me think it might be a snowman wearing a hat off to the side??!?

Seriously, what is it?

And furthermore, would you REALLY want a pancake shaped like that unrecognizable blog?

"Yeah, um, thanks for the....uh... long brown lumpy shaped blob on my breakfast plate. Super appetizing."

A

Facebook y'all.

UnBrilliant...

When you get the brilliant idea to offer straws to your kids to drink their tomato soup instead of using a spoon, just ignore it.



Trust me.



Maybe I need to drink another cup...er, pot of coffee because obviously my brain is not on.

OR, maybe the paint fumes have finally gotten to me. Yup, I have another painting project going on. Another room that will be transformed so it feels more like ME. That better serves our family and our (OK....my) great organizational needs.

Translation: I'm slightly messy. I have issues with organization. I LOVE the look and concepts, and drool over pictures of organized, compartmentalized, sorted and labeled storage areas. I just can't get it there. There's a major mental roadblock. Really, I need to call my sister, offer her a mocha in exchange for whipping our room into shape.

I have the mess + she has the ability( Hot Venti Mocha) = DUH. Right?

Becca, seriously, I need ya girl...

A


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New Mothers: Stuff you REALLY need on your Registry

It always makes me laugh to see the ‘suggested’ necessary items and products that baby stores tell new mothers that they need to be an awesome, properly correct and latest-article-in-a-mother/parent-magazine-following Mama to their new bundle of joy.

Ya know, let me give you some advice. Some real Mom, in the trenches, advice.

Register for stuff you REALLY need to survive the icky parts (potty training, the flu, motion sickness, stomach bug, teething diapers, acid poo blowouts just to name a few) of having a child:

1. A hand held shower head thingymajig. Something like this:




Seriously, save the money you were going to spend on: (…fill-in-the-blank…) that stores want you to believe you need…and get a hand held shower device. Believe me. Trust me. You will unfortunately get far more use out of it rinsing the poo, pee and puke out of clothes than you can even imagine. Seriously, trust me.

2a. Lots of buckets. For use in conjunction with #1. Also used for holding large quantities of bleach water for washing vomit off the floor. (This is a rough walked off estimate, but the puking episode that occurred in our house last night created a 10 x 11 foot rectangle of splattery yuckyness. This doesn’t include the walls and baseboards.) You COULD purchase a bunch of brand new cute buckets, but I prefer to use Dutchware: Gallon Ice Cream containers. They are AWESOME.

OR.

2b. You could use bright blue plastic surgical rinse basins like I use.

Kinda weird? Yup, but that’s what happens when your Mom is an O.R. Nurse. Unusable medical disposable products are the way to go. I keep two at all times in my stall shower for emergency soiled clothes soaking purposes. Pour in some of bleach, fill with hot water from your handy dandy hand held shower head and soak those clothes.

3. Bleach. Lots of bleach. It’s cheap and effective.

I’d rather smell some bleach in my house than the other stuff I’m talking about. Of course, open the windows so you don’t get lightheaded and fall smack in the middle of the splattery yuckyness.

4. Stain pre-treaters, preferably in a spray bottle:

That way you can keep your hands FAR away from the goo on the clothes. I buy it in bulk. Clothes with any sort of food (or other substance) on it gets a good dousing. IT WORKS FOR ME. Which is why Lil Chick can own and wear an off-white jacket that has survived an entire winter stain free. You can send notes of congratulation on my off-white stain free jacket success to my email.

5. A box of disposable gloves. For when you can't avoid touching the yuckyness. Trust me. WELL WORTH paying for these to deal with all of the above:

(Is it just me or does this picture look like a game of guess the wall shadow animal?)

You don’t want those yellow non-disposable gloves that you have to wash out and reuse. You WILL remember what those gloves touched and it WILL make you gag. Besides, I always got water up the loose sleeves and then had pooled icky water on my fingertips. Yech. I buy disposable gloves tight enough so water can’t get in.

6. Old t-shirts. Excellent floor/wall/child scrubbers. You can use em and toss em.

7. Air Neutralizer Spray/Febreeze/Air Freshener. Unless you think the smell of acid poo is a lovely odor to be inhaling all day long.


8. Coffee. Directions: Administer liberally and frequently:



This is just a short, off the top of my head, list. Have something to add? Shout it out in the comments!

Let’s talk Awesome Mama skillz, shall we? In my kid clothing tote bins I still have nearly full sets of (almost!) white onesies in every size*. That’s what I call awesome. (Not that I’m proud of it or anything...Totally lying. I’m ridiculously giddy about it.) That’s my life now, feeling extremely proud of clean onesies and the ability to clean up poo and vomit efficiently and effectively.

Awesome...

A

*(Disclaimer: There HAVE been times that I’ve tossed clothing that is soiled beyond recognition. Cause sometimes you are just plain sick and tired of scrubbing poo. Just keeping it real folks.)*

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Vacuuming up a Sock and other equally STUNNING information...

Why, hello blog! Sad little neglected blog.

Don't got it lately. The 'it' being the bloggy mojo. Well, lets keep it real, shall we?

I'll just gab and pretend someones listening.

I just vacuumed up a sock. Awesome.

Lil Chick clomped her way from one end to the other of our wood floor wearing her dried-on mud winter boots. More than once... more than a few days ago. OK, a week. (Dontcha just LOVE those cute little shoe/boot tread shaped clumps of dirt? SO handy....you can be all CSI and track the criminal down.)

So I hauled out the vaccuum and hoses and such and got to work. (OK, who am I kidding, my central vac attachements and tube are ALWAYS out. Unless I'm hosting a party, our bible study group or my Grandma is coming over. True story.)

Vaccuumed up the boots tread dirt clumps, vacuumed up all the hair from Bubbalu's haircut (Yes, I moonlight as a barber, didn't ya know? However, I only know one haircut and I'm WAY too expensive so don't even ask. Unless you come bearing coffee giftcards. I may be willing to negotiate.)

Flung the vaccuum over too quickly and SCHLLOOOOOP! the brown sock is gone. Of course, its one of Bubbalu's brand new, just ripped the plastic thingies off (DANG how many little plastic thingies does one pair of socks need?), worn once socks. Why couldn't it have been one of the old ones? (You know, the ones with huge holes in the big toe area that you can just switch to the other foot for awhile...until there are TWO huge holes in each sock....then you just tell em to suck it up and wiggle their toes if it feels wierd. They you pray that they won't go to a friend's house that requires all shoes off at the front door, thereby brandishing the less-than perfect socks...and revealing that Mama doesn't have it all together. I've got a pretty good Shoe Policy Awareness Sock Rotation going on but sometimes I flub. Yeah, those ones.)

Granted, they are a one dollar pair of socks, so really its just a 50 cent mistake. (Nothing at all like shattering one of a kind antiques.)


And really now, I could go out to the garage, open the vaccuum canister and retrieve the stupid sock but that would mean I'd have to get off the couch. And that would make my chocolate chips lonely.

Nobody wants lonely chocolate chips.

There you go. Keeping in real...

Amanda

Why yes, I AM on Facebook, are you?! C'mon over and say hi!

Super Mommy Eye can Hypnotize...

I've long used Picnik.com for editing photos, especially for my Etsy shop to best represent my creations.

I uploaded a pic today to try out a bunch of the fun effects.

I discovered what I'll look like when I'm 75....Hello undereye circles:



Meet Naraama, my Avatar:



(singing) Rudoloph the peach nosed Mommy, had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw her, you would even say it glows:



Now, I realize my current favorite teal and red color combo may be awesome for home decor and fabrics but this....this just is taking it a few steps too far:



Peekaboo! I SEE you!

This is what my kids see when I come to check on them in the middle of the night.

And this is the Super Mommy Eye. The Super Mommy Eye sees EVERYTHING that goes on, nothing escapes her sight. She knows who hit who, who ate spoonfuls of chocolate milk powder for breakfast hiding in the pantry, she knows who didn't wash their hands or brush their teeth, she even knows if you are even thinking about talking back. Don't mess with Super Mommy Eye:

This is me if my gray spray paint nozzle is pointed the wrong way:

And this is me trying to hypnotize you, "You WILL bring me chocolate, offer to babysit my children for free, offer cases of Diet Coke, clean my house and encourage me to sew during ALL my spare time."

Did it work? Hope so.

Off to sew and eat lava cakes. Wait a minute, did I just hynotize myself?

Awesomeness...

Amanda

***Yup, I'm on Facebook. Whoop-de-doo!***

#1 Grocery Shopping Rule...BROKEN...

I made the ULTIMATE grocery shopping mistake Saturday night.

Anyone?

Can you guess it?

Yes, I went grocery shopping HUNGRY. And not just hungry but ravenous. Growling stomach and all.

Let me tell you something. Other than Sunday mornings during the congregational prayer, my stomach NEVER growls. Not so Saturday evening. Maybe it was prepping for Sunday morning?

So, I did my shopping and didn't really delve into my psyche enough to realize what I was doing. Because HELLO, I was out at the grocery store kid free! My mind goes crazy fun bonkers when I'm set loose like that. Dangerous I tell ya, Dangerous!

My Sister Becca was at my place when I came home. Bag by bag was unloaded and she. couldn't. stop. laughing.

Why? This is why. I brought home:

4 cartons of ice cream

1 bag of lime tortilla chips

3 jars of queso (just in case we got snowed in)

1 bag of Reeses peanut butter cup bites (in pastel wrappers. Because anything in a pastel wrapper can be marketed as EASTER candy. So dumb)

3 Flavored coffee creamer (Coconut cream my NEW FAVE!)

1 loaf of WHITE bread!? We are a hard core wheat bread only household. SERIOUSLY where was my brain?

Oh yes and 2 cans of extra large (but light!) whipped cream.

Busted. No WONDER she laughed at me.

My only saving grace is that I DID purchase 2 lemons, a can of diced green chiles and some fresh chives. You know, the nutritional equivalent of sucking on some pine cones.

Good thing I have superhuman incredible self discipline to avoid those foods or I'd be in MAJOR trouble...

Amanda

***Facebook + Vintage Dutch Girl = Something Uber Awesome ***

Just A Smidgen...

I've been too busy doing important stuff like eating and vacuuming to have time to blog.

Also, I may or may not be suffering from a smidgen of writers block.

Ok, maybe a tad more than a smidgen.

I mean c'mon, do you REALLY want to hear about my new haircut, the Ruffles and Rust show I attended or the number of eye twitches I have? Nah.

Oh wait, I do remember a story to tell yall. A Mama embarrassment story.

Phew! At least I remembered SOMETHING! Will get that one written down soon.

In the meantime, help a girl out and please tell me what you would enjoy hearing me blather on about!?

Cause seriously. I need some inspiration. Don't leave me hanging folksies...

Amanda


***SERIOUSLY? New posts in my Facebook news feed? That's a R.A.D!!! .... A Really Awesome Discovery ***

Tweets of Monkeys and Queso...

Yup. Finally caved.

Even flopping and floundering around as a newly hatched lil twittery bird, you are invited to join in and follow me. You'll enjoy me chattering about skinny monkeys, the nutritional benefits of consuming queso and other equally electrifying topics that will most assuredly stimulate scholarly dialogue.

You know......about moneys and queso.

Huh, maybe the monkeys need to EAT some queso?

Told ya it'd be ELECTIFYING. Convincing, ain't it?

I know what you're thinking, "You had me at Queso".

Help a lady out and leave me some hint/tips in the comments cause this newly hatched lil twitter chick has no idea what she's doing...

A

Ta-Ta Level Determiner...

I LOVE me some Mod Cloth. Talk about inspirational. Not to mention unique. I usually get the sewing itchies after I check out their new dress listings.

For Example, check out this ruffled, pleated goodness:


and this delicious one:



Doesn't this one beg for a summer picnic shindig? Complete with a lattice-topped home made cherry pie and some sassy bright red shoes:



And then there's my all time fave, the Pin-up Dress:



But I must admit I burst out laughing when I saw this one. Yes, I REALIZE it's supposed to be the number Eighty Eight...but....to me it looks like a ta-ta level determiner shirt.



Meaning, you put the shirt on and can easily decide where your ta-ta's are typically residing in their current state:



Easily determine if your ta-ta's are in the 1, 2, 3, or 4 level bracket... or(gasp!) beyond the brackets altogether.

Yup, thinking I'm OK not knowing which bracket level my ta-ta's are in...

A

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The Flute Got Flushed...

I was all excited last week to give the kids a toy flute and harmonica to play with. After all, we are excellent parents providing our offspring with creative, mind enriching toys.

That flute was LOUD. VERY LOUD. It kept getting "lost" on top of the piano and on the highest shelf in the cupboard. Sad, very sad.

However, Bubbalu kept finding it and playing with it. And yes, the flute did get flushed down the toilet last week. It wasn't the ENTIRE flute, just a four inch mouthpiece that makes the remaining pieces of the flute...well...NOT like a flute.

More like a blue stick with holes in it.

And guess what?

It's a Mute Flute.

Yep, completely quiet. He can try and try to make it whistle, but nope, that thing is mute.

And I'm not ONE bit sad about it.

Fast forward a few days to 9:30 pm Saturday night. I'm busily scrubbing down the bathrooms in anticipation of hosting a family BBQ right after church Sunday morning. (What?!? Doesn't EVERYONE scrub their bathrooms at 9:30 on Saturday night? SUCH a life of luxury I lead...)

Scrub the toilet and flip the flush lever. And the toilet is hardly draining. It SLOOOWWWLLLLY finishes flushing and I remember that stupid flute mouthpiece.

Argh.

Which leads to a 9:35 PM Saturday night phone call to my dad, "Uh, Dad, how do you take apart a toilet?"

And what does he say? "I'll be over in five."

Awww, thanks Dad!

Mom came along to witness the fun and helped me finish scrubbing the house. After we made a much needed Dairy Queen run for refreshments we reviewed the pics I'd snapped of the Toilet Flute Incident of 2010:



Dad pointing to the place where they found the flute mouthpiece:



And we've sealed our Classiest Neighbors on the Block status by using our FRONT LAWN as a toilet hosing out location:



Extra fertilizer, right?

I'm just glad it was dark:



After the whole thing was over my husband says to me, "Do you have ANY idea how disgusting it is to pick up poo with your hand?"

UMM.

Did you REALLY just ask me that?

A. You got to wear gloves when you cleaned up poo

B. You got to haul the whole thing out the front door and hose it off. Can't really do that with the kids. Well, I COULD, but that's a little harsh.

C. I'm a Mama with two kids under 3, so yes, I DO KNOW what it's like to clean up poo with my hand...and it happens on an alarmingly frequent basis.

But, I've gotta give him props, he fixed our toilet!

I'm watching Bubbalu like a hawk around the toilet. Especially if he's been playing with musical instruments. I REALLY don't want to have to call my Dad at 9:30 at night explaining that his grandson flushed the harmonica, bongo drum AND maracas down the crapper...

A

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How To Have THIN Knees...

So I've been perusing websites looking for bathing suit options, and came across this...uh...article of clothing in the swimsuit section. Apparently it is designed to wear with a bikini top:



"Yes Ma'am, this piece will help to emphasize your saddle bags and inner thighs, but you will have the THINNEST knees on the pool deck!"

A

Laundry Advice From My Forgetful Brain...

Dear Amanda,

Why why WHY do you insist on putting your good most favorite in all of our universe dark gray dress pants that you cannot replace as the store you bought them at three years ago sunk into the abyss of bankruptcy into the dryer just for a few minutes to get the wrinkles out before hanging them up to fully dry?

You KNOW you will forget to take them out and the realization that you forgot (AGAIN) will hit you in your forgetful brain when you hear the dryer buzzer go off. It mocks you, that buzzer.

You KNOW they will be just a tad too tight forcing you to do eighty million deep knee bends and squats to fit the ole' backside correctly.

But hey, at least you got a good workout in...

Love,

Your Forgetful Brain

The Tomato Bandit...

My tomato bandit has struck again. Sure my tomato plants are looking sickly, withered and crispy but they were still producing happy little tomatoes for me to enjoy in my salads.

On the deck I found this:



(Picture me exhaling loudly in frustration)

Then I looked up and saw this:



(Picture me AGAIN exhaling loudly in frustration)

Well Bubbalu, I hope you enjoyed your throwing practice. With all that repetitive throwing motion, I'm wondering if you might have yourself a little case of tomato elbow.

Serves you right...

A

#1 Trashiest Campsite Status...

I am freshly back from a nine day camping trip.

Yep, NINE days.

CAMPING. (Well, mostly motorhoming.)

With two littles. One potty training, one nursing.

Whew!

Things we discovered:

- It is shocking how quickly a toddler can trash a campsite.

- Bubbalu LOVES to pee outside, further establishing our "#1 trashiest campsite in the campground" status.

- Lil Chick is a movin' and a shakin'. She is scooting and just starting to crawl around. Here we go! Bubbalu learned to crawl in Spokane, Lil Chick on this camping trip. That's it, I'm not going ANYWHERE else! Lil Chick will stand up and recite the Heidelberg Catechism Q & A Lords Day 1 if I ever leave on another trip again....not that reciting the Catechism is bad...it's just TOO. STINKIN. FAST.

- Sunscreen in an spray can is AWESOMENESS.

- Bubbalu loves to say "AWESOMENESS!".

- An air conditioned motorhome is FAR superior to NON air-conditioned sweltering house that hit 95 INSIDE while we were gone.

-Potty training is set on the back burner while camping. This may be due to a specific ginormo poo in the underwear incident that I'd just as soon like to forget about. Underwear was tossed into double layer plastic zip-top baggies, squished with some laundry soap (kinda like those friendship bread baggies. "Day #3 - Squish the bag" - yep, EXACTLY like that) and then promptly thrown out of the motorhome...where it sat until it was time to pack up and go home. Once again, reestablishing our "#1 trashiest campsite in the campground" status.

-Many many MANY baby wipes are used while camping. Face, hands, buns, tables, high chair, legs, chairs, neck...you get the picture.

-Showering the children outside using the handy-dandy outside shower attachment on in-law's trailer is a GREAT way to prevent the trailer/motorhome gray water tank from filling too quickly. However, once again...#1 trashiest campsite in the campground.

-Giving Bubbalu a haircut outside using your home clipper set and a squirt gun filled with used pool water to wet their hair down doesn't help your "#1 trashiest campsite in the campground" status.

-Showering yourself (in the motorhome INSIDE shower) while STANDING IN A HUGE PLASTIC TOTE BIN and then carrying it outside to dump your shower out also saves your gray water tank, but again, doesn't help your status.

-Neither does pulling a utility trailer complete with two different chipped beyond repair paint jobs (that don't match), zero hubcaps and a horrible case of rust that you store at the entrance to your site covered with a hole-ridden, well past it's prime, bright green tarp.

I'm starting to wonder if the campground owners threw their hands in the air and cheered while we drove away.

However, that was AFTER my husband spilled a couple of gallons worth of raw sewage onto himself and the dump station before we exited the premises.

Yeah, they were DEFINITELY celebrating...

A

The Case Of The Disappearing Produce...

I love the tomato vine smell on my fingers. You fiddle with the tomato plant a bit, pinching off suckers or draping the stems and leaves on the support wire and all day long you can catch a whiff of that yummy summer scent.

I've been looking forward to tasting that first bite of home-grown tomato goodness. I have three tomato plants currently doing their thing, trying to produce some fruit for me. They were purchased rather late in the game, costing a total of $2.50, so if I get a pound or two of fruit I'll be thrilled.

I've been watching a rather large and juicy looking clump of 6 tomatoes for a few weeks now. They're just starting to lighten and will probably be turning red soon.



However, when I checked them out this morning I couldn't find them. What the heck? Where'd they go?

The plants are up high on my back patio, surely an animal couldn't have gotten to them up there. Maybe some rascally neighbor stole them? Amanda, why would someone sneak onto your back patio in the middle of the night to steal 6 tiny unripe tomatoes? Really now.

I found no evidence of foul play, or animal presence.

What I DID find on the ground next to the back patio under the tomato plants:



A suspiciously gnawed on unripe green tomato that has the distinct teeth markings of a 31.6 pound offspring of mine.

When confronted, the culprit nonchalantly admitted fault.

Bubbalu, I hope they tasted crappy...

A

Rethinking Coffee...

I'm sorta on a diet.

Not a certain number of calories, points or grapefruits per day sorta diet, just a general overall rethinking of what I eat.

First up: rethinking coffee.

No, I am NOT suggesting the total exclusion of my favorite morning beverage, just rethinking what I put INTO it. As I have always said, I don't love coffee. What I love is cream, sugar, chocolate, whipped cream, caramel, syrups, sprinkles, whathaveyou. So, we are rethinking this.

Yesterday I added up the approximate number of calories I ingest by guestimating my average slosh of creamer added to my 4 cups of coffee per day.

Sidenote: Let me quickly define the "4 cups of coffee per day" statement. I have a mini 4 cup coffeemaker, but have always wondered what is defined as a coffeemaker "cup" compared to an 8 oz fluid cup. Guess what? I measured it out today and I drink 16 oz of coffee per day. SO...2 measuring cups worth. Definitely not as much as I thought.

Anyways, back to the creamer.

So my average creamer-slosh-a-day helping added up. A LOT.

I figured it is between 500-1,000 calories per DAY of creamer. YIKES. And let's not even talk about the sugar.

I promptly went out and purchased non-fat half & half which has 1/4 of the calories per serving, zero fat, and 2 grams of protein to boot. Yes, it has corn syrup added to it but at a much lower amount than the creamer. In flavored creamer the first two ingredients are listed as: Water, Sugar. In the non-fat half & half it is: Non-fat milk, milk. MUCH better for me.

Now. Let's get real.

It doesn't taste as good.

Of course it doesn't. So, to my AM cup o joe I add half & half and a smidgen of creamer. It's all about moderation, folks.

So do you think this might explain a 5 lb weight loss over the last two weeks?

Methinks so.

So what foods/meals/daily consumption might YOU need to rethink?

A

Ugly McUglyson...

I have a few pets. Nineteen actually....nope, twenty. OK, maybe eighteen. They just keep moving so fast I can't count em.

We are fish people, y'all. We did not choose to be fish people, they chose us.

We purchased our home complete with a HUGE built in fish tank. So now we are fish people.

Our fishtank is rather sparse looking being that it is so big, and we haven't been able or willing to upgrade it's decor or inhabitants much.

We did, however, purchase a helpful sucker fish so that we could be lazy and watch him eat the gook off the inside of the tank.

Meet Ugly McUglyson:



I named him. Cause he isn't exactly attractive. He's actually kinda creepy looking.

But I didn't care because owning him allowed us to be lazy. And I like myself a good dose of lazy.

Alas, I am speaking in the past tense because a few weeks ago, Ugly passed away and went to the great big fishbowl in the sky.

I'm not able to get my dose of lazy anymore...and the fish tank has seen better days. It's not exactly the pièce de résistance of the house that it once was. More like a grody goo box.

I want a beautiful, lush, tropical snorkel vacation invoking fish tank. Not a grody goo box. Maybe something like this:



And while I'm in the fishtank makeover process, I may just redo the downstairs bathroom and add this:



and this:



Because who doesn't want a dozen or so eyes on you while you go about your bathroom business?

I'm sure a certain toddler of mine would be THRILLED to use the fish potty and sink. He might even put his potty and poo-poo into the fish potty chair on a regular basis.

That's it, I'm SOLD!

A