Farmer Jed's Orange Grove...

Boy, "Seriously Farmer Jed, what HAPPENED to your oversized orange grove???"



Farmer Jed, "What are you talking about, yellow cap huge boy? These amazingly ginormous ears of corn and apple as big as my face severely restrict my peripheral vision."

Boy, "Your entire orange grove what picked apart by what appeared to be a famished 4 yr old human! Dude, what's up with your pants? Are you wearing an overall SKORT?!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

This is what ran through my head after serving the kiddos lunch.

I need to get out more...

A

UnBrilliant...

When you get the brilliant idea to offer straws to your kids to drink their tomato soup instead of using a spoon, just ignore it.



Trust me.



Maybe I need to drink another cup...er, pot of coffee because obviously my brain is not on.

OR, maybe the paint fumes have finally gotten to me. Yup, I have another painting project going on. Another room that will be transformed so it feels more like ME. That better serves our family and our (OK....my) great organizational needs.

Translation: I'm slightly messy. I have issues with organization. I LOVE the look and concepts, and drool over pictures of organized, compartmentalized, sorted and labeled storage areas. I just can't get it there. There's a major mental roadblock. Really, I need to call my sister, offer her a mocha in exchange for whipping our room into shape.

I have the mess + she has the ability( Hot Venti Mocha) = DUH. Right?

Becca, seriously, I need ya girl...

A


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New Mothers: Stuff you REALLY need on your Registry

It always makes me laugh to see the ‘suggested’ necessary items and products that baby stores tell new mothers that they need to be an awesome, properly correct and latest-article-in-a-mother/parent-magazine-following Mama to their new bundle of joy.

Ya know, let me give you some advice. Some real Mom, in the trenches, advice.

Register for stuff you REALLY need to survive the icky parts (potty training, the flu, motion sickness, stomach bug, teething diapers, acid poo blowouts just to name a few) of having a child:

1. A hand held shower head thingymajig. Something like this:




Seriously, save the money you were going to spend on: (…fill-in-the-blank…) that stores want you to believe you need…and get a hand held shower device. Believe me. Trust me. You will unfortunately get far more use out of it rinsing the poo, pee and puke out of clothes than you can even imagine. Seriously, trust me.

2a. Lots of buckets. For use in conjunction with #1. Also used for holding large quantities of bleach water for washing vomit off the floor. (This is a rough walked off estimate, but the puking episode that occurred in our house last night created a 10 x 11 foot rectangle of splattery yuckyness. This doesn’t include the walls and baseboards.) You COULD purchase a bunch of brand new cute buckets, but I prefer to use Dutchware: Gallon Ice Cream containers. They are AWESOME.

OR.

2b. You could use bright blue plastic surgical rinse basins like I use.

Kinda weird? Yup, but that’s what happens when your Mom is an O.R. Nurse. Unusable medical disposable products are the way to go. I keep two at all times in my stall shower for emergency soiled clothes soaking purposes. Pour in some of bleach, fill with hot water from your handy dandy hand held shower head and soak those clothes.

3. Bleach. Lots of bleach. It’s cheap and effective.

I’d rather smell some bleach in my house than the other stuff I’m talking about. Of course, open the windows so you don’t get lightheaded and fall smack in the middle of the splattery yuckyness.

4. Stain pre-treaters, preferably in a spray bottle:

That way you can keep your hands FAR away from the goo on the clothes. I buy it in bulk. Clothes with any sort of food (or other substance) on it gets a good dousing. IT WORKS FOR ME. Which is why Lil Chick can own and wear an off-white jacket that has survived an entire winter stain free. You can send notes of congratulation on my off-white stain free jacket success to my email.

5. A box of disposable gloves. For when you can't avoid touching the yuckyness. Trust me. WELL WORTH paying for these to deal with all of the above:

(Is it just me or does this picture look like a game of guess the wall shadow animal?)

You don’t want those yellow non-disposable gloves that you have to wash out and reuse. You WILL remember what those gloves touched and it WILL make you gag. Besides, I always got water up the loose sleeves and then had pooled icky water on my fingertips. Yech. I buy disposable gloves tight enough so water can’t get in.

6. Old t-shirts. Excellent floor/wall/child scrubbers. You can use em and toss em.

7. Air Neutralizer Spray/Febreeze/Air Freshener. Unless you think the smell of acid poo is a lovely odor to be inhaling all day long.


8. Coffee. Directions: Administer liberally and frequently:



This is just a short, off the top of my head, list. Have something to add? Shout it out in the comments!

Let’s talk Awesome Mama skillz, shall we? In my kid clothing tote bins I still have nearly full sets of (almost!) white onesies in every size*. That’s what I call awesome. (Not that I’m proud of it or anything...Totally lying. I’m ridiculously giddy about it.) That’s my life now, feeling extremely proud of clean onesies and the ability to clean up poo and vomit efficiently and effectively.

Awesome...

A

*(Disclaimer: There HAVE been times that I’ve tossed clothing that is soiled beyond recognition. Cause sometimes you are just plain sick and tired of scrubbing poo. Just keeping it real folks.)*

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Vacuuming up a Sock and other equally STUNNING information...

Why, hello blog! Sad little neglected blog.

Don't got it lately. The 'it' being the bloggy mojo. Well, lets keep it real, shall we?

I'll just gab and pretend someones listening.

I just vacuumed up a sock. Awesome.

Lil Chick clomped her way from one end to the other of our wood floor wearing her dried-on mud winter boots. More than once... more than a few days ago. OK, a week. (Dontcha just LOVE those cute little shoe/boot tread shaped clumps of dirt? SO handy....you can be all CSI and track the criminal down.)

So I hauled out the vaccuum and hoses and such and got to work. (OK, who am I kidding, my central vac attachements and tube are ALWAYS out. Unless I'm hosting a party, our bible study group or my Grandma is coming over. True story.)

Vaccuumed up the boots tread dirt clumps, vacuumed up all the hair from Bubbalu's haircut (Yes, I moonlight as a barber, didn't ya know? However, I only know one haircut and I'm WAY too expensive so don't even ask. Unless you come bearing coffee giftcards. I may be willing to negotiate.)

Flung the vaccuum over too quickly and SCHLLOOOOOP! the brown sock is gone. Of course, its one of Bubbalu's brand new, just ripped the plastic thingies off (DANG how many little plastic thingies does one pair of socks need?), worn once socks. Why couldn't it have been one of the old ones? (You know, the ones with huge holes in the big toe area that you can just switch to the other foot for awhile...until there are TWO huge holes in each sock....then you just tell em to suck it up and wiggle their toes if it feels wierd. They you pray that they won't go to a friend's house that requires all shoes off at the front door, thereby brandishing the less-than perfect socks...and revealing that Mama doesn't have it all together. I've got a pretty good Shoe Policy Awareness Sock Rotation going on but sometimes I flub. Yeah, those ones.)

Granted, they are a one dollar pair of socks, so really its just a 50 cent mistake. (Nothing at all like shattering one of a kind antiques.)


And really now, I could go out to the garage, open the vaccuum canister and retrieve the stupid sock but that would mean I'd have to get off the couch. And that would make my chocolate chips lonely.

Nobody wants lonely chocolate chips.

There you go. Keeping in real...

Amanda

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Sassy Aprons in the Shop....

First of all, if you are reading this in a reader, c'mon over and see my new blog outfit. I got WAY too sick of boring gray and white and needed some COLOR in my blog life. Check er out.

Alrighty, you asked for em!

First of hopefully many sassified aprons for sale in the Vintage Dutch Girl Etsy Shop:



SUPER fun to make! Not sure I'd get a lot of actual cooking done while wearing this one...probably just stand around with a wooden spoon lookin purty and eating a chocolate lava cake.

Ya know, being a good hostess and all...

Amanda

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Retro Polka Dot Apron...

I have a THING for the red and teal/aqua color combo....and I have a THING for polka dots....and I have a THING for ruffles...and I have a THING for fabric flowers...and I have a THING for retro inspired clothing.

Put all those together and you get:



Yup! Finally finished my apron that I started back on Sassy Apron Sewing Sister (errr) Day!

I am in love. I may have to wear it non stop for the next few weeks. Praise team Sunday will be interesting. Doesn't really help with the whole, "keep attention off yourself" mantra that I try to repeat when choosing my outfit on those Sundays.

But I can wear it when driving to church!

Now THESE are what I call ruffles:



Fabric flowers? Yes please:



Now, to figure out what to actually COOK for dinner while wearing my sassy retro apron...

A


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It's Really Just A Gangsta-Wannabe Salutation...

I'm collecting decorative letters so I can eventually have the entire alphabet on a wall in our bonus/playroom.

I keep a list on my phone of what letters I need so when i'm out and about dumpster diving, thrifting, clearance rack perusing or whathaveyou I can quickly see if I need a certain letter or not.

It's not going very quickly.

I'm already imagining the day when I have only two or three letters left and I find a particularly elusive letter. I'll be jumping up and down, pumping my fist and screaming "EEEE!! I found the EEEE!!!" or something equally embarrassing.

Being that it's been awhile and I've only put a fender bender-sized dent in my alphabet-collecting mission I'm needing to do SOMETHING with all these random letters sitting around. So, I just threw em up on the walls in the house.

Yes, I'm having a huge family party here on Sunday and I'm sure I'll get the, "Huh, look at that, there's a huge C on the dining room wall and none of their names start with C. Wonder what THAT'S for?". I'll have to make up something brilliant and wow them when I say it stands for the Spanish verb cocer (to cook) or the four C's of diamond gradation.

Conversation starter? Youbetcha.

Keeps me on my toes as well. Because really, it's going to be a mighty stretch to come up with what V F stands for. Very Friendly? Vocal fatigue (occurs VERY FREQUENTLY in our house).

That's it! Very Frequent Vocal Fatigue. Yup, sounds good to me.

Can you figure this one out?



Spring Break?

Green Beans?

Plant Biology?


Take your pick, I like em all.

And my favorite double grouping of them all:



It's really just a friendly gangsta-wannabe salutation.

And it's always nice to be friendly...

Amanda


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I am SO over Poop...

I am so over poop.

Poop of every brand, variety, scent, breed, classification, pattern, family, genus,
kind, order, set, type, complexion, color, connection, denomination, description, designation, fiber, gender, manner, mold, nature, number, persuasion, stripe, style, temperament, variety, way, cast, character, class, grade, make, quality and/or quantity, sort, species, distinctive label, gradation, grouping, rank or status.

That is all.

A

Don't Assume ANYTHING. It Makes An......

First of all, you need to understand some things about me.

1. I don't pay full price. On anything.

2. I don't like to spend money on kiddos clothing.

3. I'd MUCH rather make Lil Chick a dress instead of spending $$ on one.

So, now that you know those few tidbits, I can continue.

OK, so this Mama had a major "I'm overwhelmed and underappreciated" freak out moment Sunday night...which was promtply addressed and rectified with a Mama only shopping trip Monday afternoon and evening.

It was GLORIOUS! Not to just push a shopping cart without being kicked in the stomach by a 4 yr old but to not have to keep track of two littles. Muchly rejuvinating!

Anywho, so I'm a shoppin and I see this adorable dress at Old Navy that would look superduper cute on Lil Chick:




Of course, the first thing I thought was, "hey, I could make something JUST like this with my extra pink tulle and her tshirt I have at home" but I decided to just go ahead and splurge.

It was full price.

There were NO coupons.

I bought it anyways. I was SO excited!

And sure enough, it looked ADORABLE on her! She twirled and smiled saying, "I pretty I pretty!" (seriously, WHERE do these little girls learn this stuff? I sure didn't teach her to do that)

And it stayed cute the entire 15 hours we owned it.

This is what it looks like now:



Every single arrow points to a splotch of dried on nail polish in hues of dark blue, red and pink. I didn't even bother pointing out all the clear nail polish. It was EVERYWHERE....believe me, the entire bottle was used up.

Oh yes, they didn't just ruin a brand new dress, they also did this:


(sorry for the blurryness....that woman never sits still)

(Looks awash in guilt, huh? Completely unrepentant.)

What you can't see is that Lil Chick is wearing FOUNDATION. Oh yes, my two year old is wearing a full layer of base makeup. Apparently Bubbalu has watched me get ready a few too many times. He's taking notes and practicing on Lil Chick.

I was less than gentle as I scrubbed the polish off with remover....and then had to quickly do a full body shower scrubdown to get the polish remover off their delicate skin.

Whattya know, we only had lukewarm coldish water today! ;)

They are BOTH currently napping...it's a first of Febuary miracle!

What ran through my mind not three hours ago, "huh, I haven't blogged in awhile, what the world am I going to write about???"

Ask and you shall receive...

A


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Keep Calm drink a Peppermint Mocha Printable...

Really now, how can I possibly make a Keep Calm free printable for Pumpkin Spice Latte and NOT do one for Peppermint Mocha? I know, that'd be sad for Peppermint Mocha. He'd feel all sad and left out.

So, I finally got my craft on and came up with:



My favorite part of this printable is the cutie patootie lil Sbux Peppermint Mocha cup. Isn't it sweet?




I also had to return to my spray paint shelf and revamp another thrift store 99 cent frame. Yup, I spent more moolah developing the print ( a whole big fat $2.99) than I spent on the frame. I may have mentioned this before but MELIKEY the INEXPENSIVE DECOR. I used Krylon's Cherry Red:



Love how it makes my taste buds jump and jive when I walk on by. Our local Sbux may be memorizing Lola's license plate and starting my order when I pull up to the order window.

All I can say is BRING IT ON.

OK, you want jumpy jivey tastebuds too?? Okee dokee, here you go!

Normal font:



FUN font:



White on Red (minus the cutie patootie itty bitty mocha cup):



Upload to Costco or whomever, get it printed out, frame in something cherry red and you'll be hitting up Sbux in NO time.

Merry Christmas!

A

P.S. For all you delightful lovelies, I have decided to have an indefinitely active Vintage Dutch Girl Etsy shop coupon code for 15% off all orders. Cause you are delightful. AND lovely. Your 15% off coupon code is: FOLLOWLOVE15 . You still have time before Christmas to get some gift shopping in! I have multiples of every scarf ready made and am trying to ship out next day if possible. Happy Shopping!

Linking up:

Pumpkin Chocolate Chips Cookies...

The mornings are starting to be crisp and we're pulling out our scarves and hoodies from the back of the closet.

Don'tcha just love fall?

I particularly love the scents and tastes of fall.

Sipping on a Pumpkin Spice Latte,

munching a (few) Gingerbread cookies,

smelling my Harvest Yankee Candle,

brewing up a batch of apple cider,

and that crisp morning smell promising frosty mornings arriving soon.

Are you in a fall mood yet?

NO?

OK, for all of you still mourning the loss of Summer, here is my never-fail fall mood inducer:



Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup canned pumpkin
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1 egg
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon milk
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 3 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Combine pumpkin, sugar, vegetable oil, and egg. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, ground cinnamon, and salt. Dissolve the baking soda with the milk and stir in. Add flour mixture to pumpkin mixture and mix well.
2. Add vanilla and chocolate chips and lightly stir until combined.
3. Drop by spoonful on greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for approximately 10 minutes or until lightly brown.
4. Eat liberally with extra large iced glass of milk.

There, that should help you get your AUTUMN on...

A

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Decor Smitten...

*sigh*



This image by Laura Ashley has been haunting me for the past 10 days. I stare at it trying to piece it apart and decide what exactly it is about the decor that has me smitten.

Tealy fabric to cover my huge windows floor to ceiling? Already ordered.

Gorgeous cream sofa? Might be learning to make a slipcover or two....or possibly go shopping.

Double chocolate leather club chairs? Hmmmm, Costco is having a sale.

White/Cream walls? I've already primed the living room...with a slight adjustment that you'll eventually find out about...

New dreamy sofa pillows? Already surfing the net shopping for fabric and pillow forms.

This picture speaks to me. Actually it shouts. Not sure exactly what it is that is being shouted, but it's something good. Something very good. Something along the lines of, "Amanda! You ENJOY being a homebody!" or "Amanda, this living room is welcoming and friendly!" or "Amanda, curl up on your gorgeous cream sofa and re-read Pride & Prejudice!"

UM, OK I just looked again and found something in the photo that gives me a clue as to what I like about the whole room's decor.

Look closely with me:



Oh yeah baby! Prime blogging spot! Hmmm, I AM going shopping, maybe I need to purchase a laptop?

A

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Bubbalu Likes To Vacuum...

Bubbalu did the 30 min Shred with me this morning. Lil Chick wanted in on the "fun" and did a few push ups and squats too. Yep, my kiddos will be ripped in no time. Nothing like a 6 pack on an eighteen month old. So anywho, I start the workout and Bubbalu takes one look at Jillian and says, "Mommy, that woman is angry. That is a MAD woman". You got that one right Bubbalu!

So on to my post subject...

If Bubbalu is bored (which happens frequently, evidenced by his insatiable desire to destroy things and see what household items the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser CAN'T remove sharpie from) my catch phrase is: "If you're bored you can choose to play outside or scrub my floors". I can just hear my Mom saying that to me when I was a young gal. What can I say? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Bubbalu played outside for a good long while this morning on his play set. He then came to the screen door and said, "Mommy, I'm ready to scrub your floors!".

Love that boy.

Well, I scrubbed the floors yesterday so I offered him the job of vacuuming up the crumbs under the table. True to form, this boy not only vacuumed the entire dining room but moved on into the kitchen, pantry AND hallway making sure that no crumb was left behind.

LOVE that boy.

"Mommy, I'm done, now what can I do?"

SERIOUSLY?

OK, you can wipe down the table and your place mat for me.

So he wipes down the table, place mat, chairs and Lil Chick's high chair as well.

LOVE THAT BOY.

OK Bubbalu, you've helped out SO good, now you can go back outside to play.

Do YOU ask your kiddos to help out with daily chores? Which ones and at what age?

A

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Sunshine Soaking...

Sunshine has been scarce in our parts. Lots and lots of days of gray and drizzle. I KNOW I live in the pacific northwest, but C'mon!

When the shy sunshine actually comes out I drop everything else and race outside to soak up some good ole Vitamin D.

Here's what I grab to head outside, summer sunshine-style:



Diet Coke on ice

Sunglasses

Spray sunscreen (Seriously, if you haven't tried the spray yet, you SHOULD! Especially for kiddos. No more slathering for us!)

Telephone

Ipod - Currently jiving to Allison Krauss

Magazines

Pirate Booty....which Bubbalu stole and ate.

Beach towel

and one good craft project. Nothing like cutting/seam ripping/sewing in the sunshine.

Ooops! Speaking of sunshine, I see some right this moment.

See ya, I'm off to relax...

A

Outdoorable Chair ReVamps...

I purchased these two disgusto reject dining room chairs at the Goodwill last October. Yep, It's only taken me EIGHT MONTHS to finish these...and remember to post them.

They were 7 bucks each. Not too bad:



Isn't that stained fabric hideous?



Blech! Off it came and into the trash.

Next up a good ole sanding and priming:



Next up: I spray painted it black. However, despite a good sanding and priming the paint bubbled, crackled and in general ticked me off.

So much so that I ignored them for a good LOOOONNG time with the hope that they would miraculously refinish themselves in the back of my garage.

Didn't happen.

So I changed my mindset on these babies and decided that they will be proudly sportin' the distressed on purpose look and residing on my porch.

What to do to protect the new cute fabric that was purchased to cover the seat cushions that is NOT outdoor fabric?

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

Haul your batookie over to Jo-Anns and purchase some clear Vinyl. It is sold by the yard in the way back behind the home decor fabrics. I think it cost me under $3.00 for a 56 inch or wider yard. Plenty.

Stapled the vinyl right over my chairs seat pads and perfecto! Outdoorable goodness:



See the sheen? That's the vinyl. It kinda puffs a bit when I sit down but that keeps me humble. It's rainproof and ready to go.

Ah yes, such an improvement from beige and disgusting:



A perfect place to sit and have some coffee with a friend:



Love these chairs.

I'm still working on my porch redecorating project. I finally finished planting my flower pots and baskets and am now brainstorming for more outdoorableness for my porch.

I'll keep you posted...

A

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A Sassy Garden?

They are dirt cheap (pun completely intended) and serve a useful purpose. You need to know what things you planted where.

Yep, I'm talking about garden stakes.

But not your average garden stakes. Why NOT paint them? I DID have extra teal paint lying around feeling all lonely so paint them I did:


(Yes, I DO realize my garden stakes are freakishly tall. I have yet to wander out there with a rubber mallet to pound them deeper into the ground.)

Who says green beans can't be sassy?



Or the corn?


(OY, pitiful corn. Pretty sure we won't be hitting 'Knee-high by 4th of July')

What about a radish? I mean, it's kind of a zippy vegetable so it NEEDS a punchy color:



Now my sassy garden needs only one more thing.

SUNSHINE!!!

Which we have been greatly deprived of so far this "summer". It's overcast and cloudy again today. Boo. Not what I ordered.

But hey, at least I can look out my window at my sassy garden...

A

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